Interrupted
My Life Thus Far
Deep, Pervasive, Embedded Sadness
I wake up sad. I haven't felt this way in a long time... I don't feel like getting out of bed in the morning. I don't feel like doing anything. Even when I have the time and money to do literally ANYTHING I want, I still don't have the desire to do it. I could lay in bed and stare at the wall all damn day. Easily. Being inexplicably sad makes me feel sorry for myself. Mostly because I have no idea how to fix it. It's a condition I struggle with. Have always struggled with. Will probably always struggle with, and I'm at a total loss when it comes to coping with it. Anything I try, if it works, only does for a short time. Nothing is permanent (I have that tattooed on my arm. How ironic). Deep, pervasive, embedded sadness; this is my reality.
Snookums got me out of bed by suggesting we take the kids to see The Peanuts Movie. Annie spent the afternoon/evening with Colin, so it was just the little kids. Annie wouldn't have liked it, anyway. Snookums and I liked it because it was nostalgic (our childhoods), the little kids liked it, because the characters are their ages. It was cute, but I liked Hotel Transylvania 2 better.
We went to Moctezuma's in Gig Harbor because I had a taste for fajitas. It was our first time going there. I kind of always assumed it was an expensive place based on it's appearance (very high end atmosphere), but really it wasn't any more expensive than Azteca or Puerto Vallarta. My fajitas were AMAZING! I ate half of it, then boxed up the other half for dinner. I always forget takeout boxes. I get distracted figuring out the tip and such. So, I handed the box over to Snookums so I wouldn't forget it. Half way home Snookums says to me "did you grab your food?" "Uh, no. I handed it to you. I thought you had it." He forgot it. I'm still a little shocked by how sad and disappointed I felt in that moment. Even up until maybe an hour ago. I'm still bummed that I won't have an awesome lunch tomorrow, but I'm mostly over it. Snookums felt really bad about it, too. I couldn't be mad at him for it. We'll go back, I'm sure.
I don't want to go to work tomorrow. Or ever... I know I've been saying that a lot lately. But really, I don't want to. I need to figure out a way to make money that doesn't require me to sap all of the life out of my soul.
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