Interrupted

My Life Thus Far
2015-11-09 07:54:14 (UTC)

There's An Apathy That Comes

As hard as I try not to let it get to me, the past couple days of work have been frustrating. I don't like having to work so hard and not at least see good numbers. I did alright today, but the level of effort I'm putting forth isn't matching what's being tracked. I hate the new cashier learning curve. How hard is it to assign sales correctly?

After work I came home and played Bananagrams with the kids. Colin was here when I pulled into the driveway. Part of me feels a little bad about keeping it from Snookums that he comes over (at least once or twice a week), but he refuses to give the boy a chance. He is so mean, with no cause. He's never met him. It's like he hates him on principal. Simply because Annie is his daughter and no male is good enough for his princess. Even though I've told him repeatedly that Colin is a good kid, and I like him, he won't concede. I don't know what it's going to take for him to lighten up about his daughter dating. I trust Annie's judgment. And even if I didn't, the choice is still ultimately hers.

Annie is starting to mellow out, compared to the first time Colin came over. She was much more herself. I think maybe she was a little nervous about how things would go. I had a short conversation with her about it, and let her know that she's amazing just the way she is. There's no need to impress anyone. Colin is clearly enamored with her, and I've seen her at her worst.

I'm getting into that funk where I don't feel like getting shit done. I have things I want/need to do, but no desire to do the work. I just want to lay in bed and sleep. I'm slipping. I can feel it. I'm not fully engulfed, but there's an apathy that comes before the despair. That's what I'm feeling. There's no way to make this go away once and for all. Why? Why can't depression have a cure? Why can't PTSD and anxiety have cures? I love nothing more than to be free from all this, and feel wonderful all the time. Haven't I earned sustained happiness?




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