Interrupted

My Life Thus Far
2015-11-07 08:28:57 (UTC)

What I Know Is Expected

I started out my day with an existential crisis, and ended it with basically feelings of accomplishment and pride in a job well done. I'm so complex...

I procrastinated so hard getting ready for work today. I don't know what it is, but I HATE the very idea of going to work. I can't think of anything worse than having to get up, get dressed, show up and be there for however many hours I'm schedule. Yet it never fails, it's NEVER as bad as I make it out to be in my mind. I spend most of my time helping customers, a little time recovering and keeping the store beautiful, and even less time working on operational stuff. It's not like my job is all that terrible. It's not, really.

The issue I'm grappling with right now is the strong feeling that the work I'm doing right now doesn't align with my beliefs, and it isn't something I want to do long term. I'm getting worn down by all the years of retail I've worked. I would love to know what it's like to have every weekend off. To be home every evening. To get regular vacation time. To have holidays off. These are things I've never gotten to experience on a consistent basis. Sure, it happens once in awhile, but it's the stuff a lot of people take for granted. At some point I want to know what it's like to have a more traditional work/life balance.

I ended up being late to work. No one called me on it, but still. I hate being late. It starts my shift off on a stressful note, and that's not the energy I want to create within myself. Yet, I struggle so hard getting myself motivated to get ready until the last possible moments. Then if something out of the ordinary comes into play (slow traffic, etc.) then I'm late. And being that I'm a self-regulator/manager, I need to fix this before someone else tells me to. I hate it when people tell me what to do. My innate instinct is to do the exact opposite. Which is a bad idea when it's your boss telling you to change a behavior!

On a completely frivolous note, I tried something different with my hair today. I read on a DevaCurl post that some ladies have had great results by mixing the Light Defining Gel with the Supercream. So, I gave it a shot today, and holy definition! I was really pleased with the outcome. So much so, I was really disappointed when it came time to put it up for bed. I just can't do second day hair. It will be a mess in the morning and I'll have to start over. Hopefully I can recreate it, and give myself time to diffuse it. I went to work with wet hair today, and I hate that. I look like a wet rat for the first two hours of my shift. And it's getting colder outside. While I know you can't get sick from going outside with wet hair, it still isn't pleasant.

So, my commitment tomorrow is to get up with plenty of time to spare. I'm not going to procrastinate. I'm going to get dressed and leave the house with plenty of time to be ON TIME. Early, even. I need to correct my behavior, because that's what I know is expected of me. And I expect no less from myself.




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