Interrupted

My Life Thus Far
2015-11-05 08:13:26 (UTC)

Just An Empty Exhaustion

Feelings have been rearing their ugly heads today. I'm not going to even deny it. I've spent too much time online today. Facebook sucked me in like a vortex almost as soon as I picked my phone up this morning. It started with a post about potato chips that devolved into a debate over honey, and if it's vegan (it's so not). I ended up victorious in the debate (which doesn't mean a damn thing), but those kinds of interactions are toxic, and often leave me feeling exhausted. There's no positives to winning. Just an empty exhaustion. I don't know what it's going to take for me to learn. I noticed that the few vegans I know in real life (not from a group) don't belong to any of the vegan Facebook groups. Perhaps they've figured out something I've yet to? If that's the case, I haven't reached that point yet. I did scale back my screen time for the rest of the day. I needed to set the phone down and do something else.

I went out to run a few errands (which worked wonders as far as getting me offline goes). I stopped at Petco and got the dogs more flea drops and shampoo, and I bought everyone more food. We had what felt like an uphill battle with fleas all summer, but we're finally on top of it. We've found a combination of products that are really working. Dingo and Mischa were bringing fleas into the house, and in turn giving them to my strictly indoor cats. I won't get into how infuriating that was (since my kitties don't ever go outside to find fleas on their own), but it's under control now. Dingo and Mischa were getting the expensive drops from the vet, but all of a sudden they stopped working. Turns out fleas are becoming resistant to the commonly used drugs. Ironically we seem to have solved the problem with natural products. The active ingredient in the drops we're using now is eugenol (which is plant derived). I don't care what its made of at this point (other than animal byproducts), I'm just pleased it's working so well! In the past few weeks my kitties have totally stopped scratching.

I made the kids vegan Bolognese for dinner. Snookums originally told me we were going to go on a date night, so I stopped at Central and got everything I needed to make the kids a great dinner (with leftovers I could take to work for lunch). Just as I was serving them up, and expecting Snookums to say he was ready to go, he cancelled. He had a test online, and it was taking him longer than anticipated to finish. I got disappointed. I'm trying not to be a needy/selfish/bitch about it, but I'm really feeling neglected between Snookums' work and school schedule. I haven't really told him how I'm feeling, because it's petty. He's working so hard to better himself, and our situation. It's trifling of me to complain about not getting enough attention from him. He does his best. I was just disappointed. Had he not told me we were going out, I wouldn't have bothered getting dressed nice, or putting on makeup. I would have just ran my errands, cooked dinner, then vegged out on the couch while he did his test. Which was basically what happened, only I got to feel unimportant and slighted in the process. I got over it. I changed out of my pretty dress, put my hair up, took the makeup off, then sat on the couch and colored while he took his test, and the kids played math games online (part of their homework). It was a nice evening in, even if it wasn't what we'd originally planned.

I don't know what tomorrow holds, but I know I'm grateful to have it off. I've been getting a lot of time off lately, and I'm exceedingly grateful for it. I know with the holidays coming up, this is just the calm before the store. Payroll is tight, which is why I'm getting more time off. Whatever the reason, I'm loving it. I needed a break. It does make it a little tougher going back when I do have to work, but another day off usually isn't too far off. Next week we have a store visit, so that'll be my little dose of stress for the week. My mind keeps wandering back to the idea of getting the hell out of retail... It's such an appealing prospect.




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