rainy

My heart in a knot
2015-09-01 20:41:29 (UTC)

Birthday day

Today was my birthday, it wasn't nearly as bad as my previous birthdays, in fact, this was one of the best birthdays I've had in years! Especially because of a good friend who really helped lift my spirits.


I didn't take a trip anywhere, I'll have to save that for another day when I have more resources.. but I don't mind, staying home today made me realize that I need to work on a lot of different things about myself and I'm going to work harder at improving. For one I decided that I'm going to get a new hair style. In a few days I'll go to the store and get a few hair products and see what I will do. I think I want to cut my hair a little more so that it will be just at my shoulders, I want enough to be able to tuck behind my ears but not too much. I'm going to miss my long hair but this will be a good change because I never wear my hair down and if it's a bit shorter maybe I'll feel more comfortable wearing it down.


I took a lot of photos of myself today, not because I'm narcissistic, but because it's been a while since I've taken photos of myself and seen myself for how I truly appear. I was surprised at how youthful I still look considering my age, I also still have a bit of weight on me.. but I'm not overweight...it's strange.. it's like I have fat in some areas but I don't look overall big. Either way it doesn't matter, what matters is that I'm healthy.


I actually had a scare today, I had eaten some chocolate this morning as well as a vitamin packet with added caffeine, my body seemed to had gone into some type of shut down after that, my heart rate accelerated and I felt faint. I have no idea why my body does that, maybe it's just a sign that my body can't handle too much fats, sugars, and caffeine like it use to, but it wasn't even a lot, it was like 3 square pieces. Either way I am going to go on another green diet for a while just to be safe, only because if I do end up working at the job I'm trying to get I will need to be in top shape... if they even suspect I have a health problem I won't be able to work there.


As I was looking back at the photos I took of myself I couldn't help but to think of my birth parents, I wondered how much I may look like them and what they would say if they saw me.


Well... not that I'm a year older I'm starting to feel guilty for my style of writing.. although it has matured over the years I still think it sounds very child-like and I really am ready to start integrating more eloquence into my writing. I took a break from studying the GRE today but trust me I will be back to it tomorrow. One thing I need to do is use the words I've been learning in context. I had learned about 145 words and when I tested myself on them I got them all right, but then about a week later I had forgotten about 40 percent of them. I was so sure I had those words memorized and committed to memory but I kept drawing blanks every time I looked at them.


Some words I remember, like alacrity.. disabuse.. ennui, and a few other words that I didn't learn until now. I don't understand why I am able to commit some words to memory and not others. But I'm going to work on it, I'm going to practice the words in context so that they have a special meaning to me. Especially words like disinterested which sounds like it means one thing but it means something completely different. I want to be well prepared for the GRE and I want to be a better writer.


I had a lot more to write about earlier but a lot of it has been lost in my memory. I've been spending too much time daydreaming instead of being active in the real world.. but that will change..


I'm ready to improve.




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