Interrupted

My Life Thus Far
2015-08-26 06:57:51 (UTC)

An Epiphany, If You Will

My back is alarmingly hurt-y today. Weird. I'd been doing so well. With the exception of a little premenstrual backache a couple weeks ago, I'd been managing the pain pretty successfully. So much for that. It's hurting like a bitch. I'm finding it difficult to get comfortable, and nothing is really offering any relief. I hope this doesn't mean I'm going to have to actually do something about it. Maybe I need to go on another hike and bust my ass on a steep slope (like when we hiked Lake Annette) to bring back my relief!

I told Snookums about wanting to start going to hot yoga. He's totally on board. Especially since yoga is good for my back as well. I've been given an month of yoga (to see if it helps fix things) before Snookums wants me to go back and see my doctor. I was supposed to have an MRI months ago, but I never followed through with that. I don't want to. I'm sick of doctors, health issues, appointments, hospitals, etc. I just want to live the elusion that I'm physically sound for a little while longer. I'm fairly certain my iron levels are still great, because I'm doing so well in that regard (lots of energy to spare, no deep depression). It's just this dumb disk degeneration.

I came to a realization today. An epiphany, if you will. I'm pretty fucking awesome. For the first time in my life, I don't feel the crushing pressure to conform to the ebb and flow of societal expectations. If anything, I'm taking in the bigotry, hate, close-mindedness of the world around me, and feeling the great satisfaction of knowing that I don't think like that. I'm not trapped in those narrow mindsets. My mind is as vast as the universe, and I'm totally open to new experiences, ways of thinking, and being. I have never felt more free mentally and spiritually. I love where I'm at right now. And even when I encounter idiotic shit that normally would have sent me off the deep end, I'm able to compartmentalize those feelings and realize that there are individuals in the world that aren't as enlightened as I am. I don't mean that in an arrogant way, but I do believe that I'm starting to see the world/life for what it really and truly is. The veil has been lifted. I can only hope that my life is an example to others. I don't have a strong desire to change people. But I would love it if there were more open, receptive, free-thinking, compassionate people in the world. Even better if they lived locally. I long for someone who sees things in a similar light.

I'm not looking forward to work tomorrow, but it's my Friday, so it's already got that going for it. I'll be facilitating a bra certification class for two of the new managers (one of which I don't like very much. She gives off the worst vibes), then observing them in the fitting rooms, and if that wasn't enough our Loss Prevention Officer will be performing an LP audit (something that hasn't happened in our store in over 6 years). Which means Laura will probably be here, too. Wonderful. So much going on. At least I know the day will fly by!




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