rainy

My heart in a knot
2015-08-24 13:58:29 (UTC)

Is she sick?

So today my parents came over for the first time this year. Well, my dad has been over a few times but I hadn't seen my mom since the very beginning of the year. One thing I noticed is that she is still very skinny, but it seems to have gotten worst; her veins were showing through her arms and she continues to have a running nose that has been doing that all year round for the last few years. It makes me wonder if she is really sick but just isn't telling us.


She wouldn't be the type to tell us...and she rarely shows emotions. Today while looking at both my parents I realized how much older and frail they both looked. But I am concerned about my mother because it doesn't seem like she can gain weight or is getting any better. She is in her 60's and has dealt with a lot of loss in the last few years, her mother died in 2004, then her sister in 2011, then her dad in 2014... then her dog a few months ago. I have not spoken to her personally about these things because we don't have a good relationship, she has never opened up to me even despite my efforts a few years ago to try and build some type of relationship... I really can't explain it.. but basically we don't speak much and I don't know much of what goes on in her mind.. all I can do is try and read outward signs to get an idea..


I think that if she is very sick that she should tell us.. I think we have a right to know, it wouldn't be fair for her to just go one day and we not even know something was wrong. Today when they stopped by they also told me that they may be taking a trip soon, I guess a vacation, my guess is that she wants to see some things because she is worried about her own mortality, or maybe they just want to take a trip... either way this situation is difficult for me to digest. I don't know what to think, say or feel. I understand that death is a part of life but it's still quite sad, even if we didn't have a good relationship.

Regardless.. if it's one thing I do know she has it's a belief in her faith, I believe that she feels when she goes she will be reunited with the people who she has lost over the years, including her best friend who died when we were younger; my sister and I use to be best friends with her daughters who were the same age as us, after she died nothing was the same again.


Well, I need to stop writing about this for a while, I'll revisit the topic eventually.




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