Interrupted

My Life Thus Far
2015-07-26 07:03:37 (UTC)

"That Type of Person"

I have to get up early, so of course I procrastinated getting to bed and writing. I hate going to bed early. I hate getting up early. I've been going to bed progressively later each night. I haven't been taking may 3 hits like I used to. I don't know. I'm still having trouble normalizing it. Even though I don't have issue with other people doing it, I don't feel like I'm that type of person who smokes weed. Whatever "that type of person" means. Because of this, I'm having a tougher time falling asleep quickly. I'm sleeping somewhat okay when I do finally fall asleep, but not always. Last night I struggled. My therapist sees it as beneficial because of the PTSD. It's part of the reason why sleep is so elusive for me. But I still have hang ups... But only kinda, because I just took my 3 hits. I need some good sleep.

The subject of my parents (mother and stepfather) has been coming up a lot the past couple days. It prompted a little curiosity in me about their situation, so I did what any Millennial would do... I googled them! Google Street View is some creepy shit. I got a panoramic view of their house, street, what cars they're driving, I could even zoom into their windows (but darn it, the blinds were closed). Their house looks ramshackled, and poorly maintained. Yet my mother is driving a newer Cadillac. My stepfather is still driving the same Jeep Cherokee he's been driving since I was in high school. I'm sure my mother has convinced him that he owes her everything because of what he's done. I can't wrap myself around WHY they're still together at all. It's a tough pill to swallow, knowing that your mother chooses the man that raped you over her relationship with her daughter and grandchildren. Not that we could ever have a relationship, anyway. She's toxic. I know this, but I need to keep reminding myself of it.

Okay, I need to go to sleep. Or at least try.




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