Interrupted

My Life Thus Far
2015-07-22 08:58:32 (UTC)

Some Peculiar Kind of Bliss

It's late, but I'm wide awake for some wonderful reasons. The main ones being, I'm feeling peaceful, healthy, happy, and some peculiar kind of bliss. It might have a lot to do with the fact that Snookums and I have reconciled. Instead of yelling and belittling him for making a mistake (even if it is one he makes habitually), I did very little speaking over the past couple days. Not in the silent treatment sort of way. I texted him to let him know that I wasn't mad at him anymore, just disappointed and that I wasn't in the mood to talk about it. I used the same quiet, meditative state to help me get over my strong emotions in a way that was good for both of us.

When I got to work today, I felt very much like the headache that has been plaguing me the past couple days was imminent yet again. I could feel the halo of pain starting to close in around me. Behind my eyes, in my neck muscles and climbing to my temples. If I was already in pain at 2pm, by the time 9pm rolled around, I would have been dead! But Sara gave me an Ibuprofen (not something I would normally take, but desperate times call for desperate measures). It took the edge off, but I could tell that the headache was still there, dulled by the effects of the medication. Lauren (one of the girls I work with) is a licensed massage therapist and very in tune with a lot of the new age stuff I'm in to (chakras, healing energies, stone work, etc.). She gave me a great back and neck massage. I went back to work not thinking much of it, but about an hour later I realized that my headache was gone, and the nagging back pain I've learned to live with was greatly reduced. She's great at what she does. It's a long story why she's working at VS and not practicing massage full time, but regardless why she's at VS, I'm just glad she is! I'm so thankful to her for what she did for me today. Chronic pain saps the life out of you.

And as if feeling better wasn't good enough, I got off work two hours early! Sara overscheduled the evening and since I came in first, I was the first one offered to get off early. I took it, since it was my Friday. It was nice getting to come home and cook the little kids dinner, since I've worked late the past several days. I made green lentils, Basmati/wild rice pilaf, broccoli and snap peas. It brings me such happiness watching my kids eat such a nourishing meal, and LIKE it. Both Kiki and Keenan went back for more, and polished off an entire pound of broccoli. Annie didn't eat. She left almost as soon as I got home.

Snookums and I found out for sure yesterday that she has a boyfriend. We suspected, but instead of asking her about it, we waited for her to tell us. I trust her judgment and know that we've taught her well. It's just really hard to trust some boy with my daughter's heart (and the rest of her body for that matter). While I'm not squeamish about sex, it's not something I want her worrying about right now. She has such high expectations for herself, and I know how infatuation/lust/all the other things young love could be called, can affect your decision making skills. I had to take an incomplete in accounting because I missed so many days when I first met Jason. Laying in bed, making love sounded way more appealing than spread sheets. In my case, that ended up working out okay, but who's to say this guy won't derail her and not offer anything in return. As least Snookums helped me build the wonderful life we have together now... none of this is stuff I haven't discussed with her before. This isn't her first boyfriend. I'd be lying if I said I didn't prefer it when she's unattached. I remember being 16. I was kind of up to no good. And she knows that. So hopefully she heeds warnings.

After dinner was done, and the dishes washed, I ran myself a nice hot bath and just soaked until Snookums got home (he closed tonight). It really wasn't until then that I decided that I was ready to fully let things go (about the money situation). Harboring negativity about something as minor as a little money does me no good. I can tell that Snookums hurts when I don't show him love and affection. He feeds off it. So, I was very pleasant to him when he came in. He took a shower while I soaked in the tub, afterwards I came to bed wrapped in a towel (for whatever reason, he likes that). That's my way of offering myself to him. Even though I wasn't feeling particularly sexy or interested in sex for that matter, there is no denying it creates a feeling of closeness. It fosters intimacy (beyond just physical) and it just plain makes me love him more! I often joke that Snookums reminds me of Forrest Gump and tonight he said something that reminded me of that: "I'm not smart about some things, but I know what I'm good at." He proceeded to do "what he's good at", which I happen to like very much (I won't go into too much detail about that. It felt lovely, and whatever last little bits of pent up hostility melted away in that moment. Sex as marital therapy. It works, if you let it.




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