Interrupted

My Life Thus Far
2015-07-16 07:22:45 (UTC)

I Processed It and Moved On

Resiliency is such a gift. I don't know if the silent state I remained in the rest of the day yesterday has a name, but it helped me cope so well. This morning I woke up feeling like all of the hurt and disappointment I was feeling had completely melted away. Somehow silence is healing on a level I don't fully understand, and yet it was what I was drawn to do. I can't help but marvel at the level of emotional maturity I've developed over the past few months. I went right back to feeling just as light and happy as I had been prior to my meeting with Laura. I feel no need to talk about it, or go in depth about it. Honestly, it wasn't even bad. She said some really positive things, and gave me some reassurance that I'm on the right track. Yet, it still wasn't what I wanted to hear, and I managed that disappointment. I processed it and moved on.

I facilitated a bra certification class today. It's one of the associate trainings we do for new girls who demonstrate talent when it comes to selling bras. I enjoy teaching it, and it always ends up being a fun experience for the girls. A chance to get to know each other away from customers, and a safe place to ask questions and learn valuable skills. It's a 6 hour class, but it never feels that long because there's lots of breaks for discussion, and try on activities. I always notice a marked improvement in their confidence on the sales floor after they've participated in the class. Technically someone in my position wouldn't be the one to teach this class, but because of my years of experience, I guess they make an exception for me. Don't I feel special...

I left work feeling really great. After the emotional rollercoaster yesterday, it was great coming out on a high today. Not the kind of high I know I'll eventually crash down from, but the kind of high I know will stick with me, and keep me going. When I walked into the house, the kids were so excited to see me, which only made me feel that much more elevated. I told them when I left this morning that we'd go to the park when I got home. I never tell them anything I don't intend to follow through with, so even if I hadn't had a great day, I knew promising them park time was a great way of keeping me in the land of the living. Instead of retiring to bed at 7pm out of sadness and self-pity. Thank goodness that back up plan wasn't needed! I had a wonderful time with them. Snookums came, too. We walked a lap around Battle Point (which is a 1.5m trail, so a little walk), then the kids played at the playground for a while. It was a peaceful end to a good day.

I don't have a therapy appointment scheduled for tomorrow, either. I suppose I should take the initiative to get my appointments for next month scheduled before she gets all booked up. I'm going back and forth with myself over whether I need to keep going. I do. I know this kind of mental illness doesn't just go away with 6 or 7 months of therapy. I need to be in this for the long run.




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