Interrupted

My Life Thus Far
2015-07-15 04:58:18 (UTC)

It Hurts, Feeling Like Nothing

It went just as I predicted it would. At first, I was totally fine with it (because I prepared myself, and even realize that staying where I am is probably in my best interest), but the more I thought about it, the less okay I was with everything that was said. Beyond just not getting the position. Basically hearing how awesome I am, yet not awesome enough. After several hours of marinating in my feelings of disappointment, sadness, hurt. Feelings of being unappreciated, used, manipulated, passed over, etc., I don't feel much like talking about it at all. I don't feel much like writing about it, either. In fact, I don't feel like talking or writing about anything. I have an intense desire to be silent. The core of my being is feeling like a waste of energy. A failure. Like, I have such an intense desire to be more than I am, yet no one else sees how great I could be. I'm so insignificant. It hurts, feeling like nothing. Fuck this...




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