Screened In Porch

Life in general
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2015-07-08 23:55:08 (UTC)

Hump day withdrawals

I want to lite up a cigarette so badly. But the urge comes and goes
so I have been fighting it. This is the 5th day with lighting up.
I know I need to be strong. When I woke up this morning, my chest
was congested and felt like crap. Ended up taking a Mucinex in the
blue box. Those usually help that kind of symptoms. But today
just did not go too good for me.

I logged onto Facebook this morning and received a message from
an old friend who is involved in the motorcycle clubs in this area
who help with the toy runs and fund raisers throughout the year.
She is President. She is a sweet heart and one of her friends
who also was involved in that stuff past away a few days ago.
She wanted to post the obit on FB and did not have a paper or
online access to it. So, I went to the store to get a paper.
I am not sure what I was thinking. I made a copy of the obit,
but still was unsure how to get it too her so she could post it.
So, I told her I had the paper, it was in it and i was going to
mail it too her. She sent me her current address and thanked
me. Later, she found it through another source and posted it.
I had already dropped the obit in the mail to her. Even after
all that, I knew what I did for her was of no help. But if she
does not get out today to get a paper, she knows it is on its way.
Whatever. She is very upset about this death. My heart is
breaking for her.

We are all losing people and in a speed-ed up version of what
we are use too. It is almost at least two people a month. Before
long, there will be none of us left.

I cooked chicken and stuffing in the crock pot today. It turned
out real good. They liked it very much. The house smelled so
good. I think that the food and the smells and a dose of heart
break today has caused me to really want to lite up a cigarette.

My chest hurts too. All this time, my chest did not hurt and
I did not even crave a cigarette. But now that it does
hurt, I do. Go figure!

Plus having conversations with my old man makes me want to put
a gun to my head and pull the trigger for sure.

He is so hard headed. I just want to die sometimes.

God, please help me get through this year.

Without killing someone.