Interrupted

My Life Thus Far
2015-07-06 06:14:45 (UTC)

Time and Time Again

My back is really acting up today. I never really know what to expect from day to day. It's always a surprise. I got out of bed, and knew immediately that it would be a trying day. I'm not sure what it is that's keeping me from dealing with my back issues. I don't want to have another set of health issues is part of the problem. I just got the stupid Thalassemia handled, only for chronic back problems to rear up. Life is definitely not fair. It's made that perfectly clear time and time again.

One of my coworkers is a massage therapist. She came back into the fitting room while I was trying to stretch out my back. She starting working on the muscles that extend down the sides of my spine, and when she reached my lumbar region, she said "Oh my god, your spine is swollen!" I find it slightly creepy that she could feel my herniated disks through my clothes, under muscle and fat. She is an expert, though. Even more motivation to get myself in. But I don't want to.

Maybe its the pain, but I've felt very reserved today. Almost pensive, but I haven't been thinking about any one thing in particular. I just wasn't feeling like I needed to say much. It didn't affect my interactions with customers, just with my coworkers. Chatting isn't high on my favorite things list, as it is. But I was definitely quieter than what's even usual for me. Sometimes talking simply for the sake of talking gets exhausting.

I can't be sure, but I think one of my coworkers is mad at me (maybe). We used to be friends on Facebook (she friend requested me), but I noticed a few weeks ago that she unfriended me and she hasn't spoken to me in awhile. Of course, I'm just now becoming aware of it (since I noticed she unfriended me), but honestly I can't even remember the last time she said hello. I don't usually care what people think, but when it comes to my coworkers I'd like to think we all have a really open and honest relationship with one another. If she has a problem with me, I'd love to hear about it. How else can I fix it? Part of me is like "why do you even care? Why are you thinking about it? It's her issue, not yours. It's none of your business what others think of you." But the other side of me wants to know, so I can fix it. I want everyone to feel valued, important, comfortable around me. Something is definitely going on here. I strive to be a very authentic person. Open and approachable. This bothers me, even if I want to pretend nothing ever bothers me. This particular person is close to another one of my coworkers I have a pretty good relationship with. I may ask her if she knows anything. It bothers me to think someone has an issue with me, but won't come to me with it.

I'm off tomorrow. I'm really going to try to motivate myself to get my closet organized. It needs to happen. It's going to be a very unpleasant, long, daunting task. I'm dreading it so much, but it will make my life so much easier once it's done!




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