yes i'm a bitch just not urs

U blew it. .
2015-06-21 03:57:59 (UTC)

Anxiety

I have been dealing with intense anxiety since the end of March. I almost got evicted. Had to take a medical leave of abscense. I've since got some things under control, switched meds, returned to work. The anxiety is back again. I've been having crazy dreams about people from my past. Specifically a guy I hooked up with for a few months about ten years ago. He's now married with a daughter. I saw him at my hs reunion last summer and have since befriended him again on fb. Strictly as a friend/former classmate. I've been trying to understand what my subconscious is trying to work out in my life.

I see my therapist again on the 30th of this month. I missed my last appointment because of the move. But prior to that I was supposed to be noticing the negative thoughts and proving them wrong. My thoughts always go to I'm different. I'm weird. I'm not good enough for whatever.
I just feel like I'm doing things wrong. Everything my whole life. All my decisions.

I've been on Prozac for years and was recently switched to Effexor and Ativan
I take the Effexor daily. But only use the Ativan as needed. But since I've been back to work ive been taking it every morning to deal with my hour long commute.
I don't think that the Effexor is working. I've been feeling awful since I've returned to work. Nothing makes me happy. I'm irritated with my boy friend. I hate my life. My next appointment with my psychiatrist is the end of July. I could probably get an emergency appointment to get the meds adjusted. I understand that it takes a while for the body to adjust to the meds. I haven't done anything yet because I was still watching and waiting to feel better. But it feels like things are getting worse. The bad dreams, the full on anxiety. I don't know. If I don't feel better soon, I'm calling my doctor.
That's all for now.
Later




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