Interrupted

My Life Thus Far
2015-06-17 06:27:39 (UTC)

I Can, and I Should

PMS is an evil bitch. My period started this morning, and almost like a switch had been flipped, my entire being has changed. There's a calmness and mental clarity present that has definitely been missing the past week or so. Even living the lifestyle that I am (vegan, natural, holistic), I still have some wicked hormonal swings. I don't know what I should do about it. I don't think it's something I can really talk to my doctor about. Perhaps the longer I'm vegan, the better it will become. I need to look into some herbal remedies as well. I can't honestly say I've explored all those options.

This morning Snookums and I went to Kiki's end of school awards ceremony. I was expecting it to be a little bit more of a to-do, but it was still an incredibly pride-filled moment, watching my girl being recognized for her character. She was nominated by her classmates and teacher for her sweet disposition, good nature, and kindness. I can't take any credit for the amazing girl she is. I can only be grateful for her. It's like the universe gave me the children I needed to have after the shitty/unfair/painful life I've lived. I'm eternally grateful for them. Even on my worst day, they are my light.

Snookums had an interview today! At Trader Joe's. Apparently it went really well, because they called a few hours later and invited him back for a second interview. I'm not getting my hopes up (because I take disappointment so hard), but I'm cautiously optimistic about it. We need him to get this job. As far as retail jobs goes, Trader Joe's is a pretty good employer, with decent pay, room for advancement, and competitive pay. It's wonderful seeing the look of pride on my husband's face today when he was telling me about the interview. He's such a great guy, and I can be so demanding of him. It's for his own good. Our family's good. I just want him to get this so badly. He needs to feel like the provider again. I know it's important to him.

For the first time in days, I had a good day at work! I went into it with an overall more positive state of mind (damn PMS). I'm also refocusing on not letting the numbers upset me. I've accepted that the incentive isn't golden egg it used to be. Now, I just need to accept that the highly flawed sales tracking system will never fully represent the amount of work I actually do. It's tough feeling like I'm a cog in the VS machine, but it is what it is. I need to minimize the suffering work causes me. It's poisonous.

A friend of mine on Facebook posted that she's leaving tomorrow for a 10 day meditation retreat 2 hours away from here. My therapist mentioned that she wanted me to go away on a meditation retreat every quarter, but honestly I wasn't sure how I could make that happen. I was thinking about the money it would cost. But, I did a little research on the particular institute my friend is going to, and the entire program is donations based! Which means, it's free to me and afterwards, I can donate whatever I can to help another person attend. There's no limit to the amount of sessions you can attend. You just have to get on the wait list. I need to do this. But I have to first convince myself that I can, and I should. I CAN miss work. I CAN leave my family. I CAN invest in myself, and my happiness. I am worthy, even if I don't think so.




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