Interrupted
My Life Thus Far
Remember These Days
I can't believe my son is 7 years old. I remember when I was pregnant with him (as if it were yesterday). I remember patiently awaiting his birth. Lately, I've been experiencing very strong emotions when it comes to my children. Especially around their birthdays. My therapist thinks it's linked to abandonment issues stemming from my childhood. Deep down, I feel like everyone I love is eventually going to leave or betray me. I'm kind of pissed at my mother and stepfather for making me feel this way. All these years later and I'm still struggling with this. The part that angers me the most, is that my kids' birthdays should be totally happy. Not tainted with me feeling sad because eventually my kids are going to leave me.
It was a full day, with both Keenan's birthday festivities and Kiki's end of school party. I got up this morning, and went out to get cupcakes for Kiki's party and Keenan's cake. I went to the Poulsbo Safeway, but they had a very sad selection of cupcakes and no cakes for Keenan, so I ended up going to the Silverdale Safeway. I know for the future to just go to the Silverdale Safeway. They've never let me down.
I was surprised how strongly my social anxiety kicked in when I got to the kids' school. I feel incredibly uncomfortable around the other parents. I don't want to talk to them or socialize. But my desire to be there for my kids is greater. We went to Keenan's class first (for his birthday/end of school party). There was an ice cream social, which also included non-dairy ice cream and fruit/nut toppings. So cool! It's rare that there's alternative options available at functions like that. We didn't stay long at Kiki's party. Just dropped off her cupcakes, chatted with her teacher a bit, then left. She's too old to have her parents hanging out with her. Tomorrow we get to go back for her awards ceremony. What she doesn't know, is that she's going to be presented with an award in front of the entire school. I can't wait to see her shining face!
The rest of the day was devoted to Keeny birthday stuff. We went to Scenic Beach State Park to rock hunt, then went to our favorite Vietnamese restaurant for dinner. Came home, and the kids had cake. It was a wonderful day. I love days off with them. I especially love spending time with them in nature. I hope when they grown up and have their own children, they will remember these days and pass down our traditions.
Ad: