Interrupted

My Life Thus Far
2015-06-10 06:55:24 (UTC)

Focusing on the Good

I've been sitting in bed for the better part of two hours, thinking about how I should start writing. I procrastinate, because I find it hard to think of topics to write about when my life is otherwise going pretty darn good. I don't have anything to complain about. At least, not anything I really want to complain about. I'm good. Life is good. I'm focusing on the good.

Day 1 of Semi-Annual went off without a hitch. Unless you'd consider missing sales plan by almost $8,000 a hitch. I don't. Frankly, it's not my job to care or internalize stuff like that anymore. I did my best. My personal performance was good, and that's the best I can do. The reality is, we'll make that deficit up somewhere down the road and be just fine. I think the biggest surprise for me was seeing how slow it was. When I got there at 1:30pm, it wasn't nearly as busy as I thought it would be. It never really got that bad. I'm pretty sure opening day or even last Saturday was just as busy. I haven't really been impressed with the election the past few Semi-Annuals, and if I'm not I don't think other customers are either. I miss the good stuff we used to get, like makeup online exclusive stuff, bras you haven't seen in years, things our store didn't carry. Now it's just the same stuff we had last week, just slightly discounted.

I've got the next two days off! I really don't want to squander them by sitting around doing nothing, but I like sitting around and doing nothing, so inevitably it happens. Days off go so fast. Why can't work days be like that? I miss the days when I was so damn invested in work. I miss being very part-time, and having more free time to do the things that make me feel happy and whole. I know spending too much time working is a huge factor in my constant struggle with "chronic, pervasive depression", as my therapist puts it. I need more time to unplug, detached and find a way to restore my reserves. Which is why I love hiking so much. Nothing restores me quite like time in nature.

My back is being a dick tonight. Most of the day I felt pretty okay, other than the burning sensation on the top of my foot, and an occasional electric shock down my right butt cheek and leg. Without getting too down in the dumps about it, I did consider the fact that the universe refuses to let me have too much happy going on at one time. I've got my emotional stuff somewhat under control. My Thalassemia is in check. Work isn't as shitty as it has been or could be... so I gotta have a physical injury. One I don't really have the means of fixing. I need some kind of referral from my doctor to proceed with any type of treatment, but I haven't heard from him. In two weeks. I feel forgotten. But not enough to actually do anything about it.

I'm depending on cannabis at night to help me dull the pain enough to sleep. It works so beautifully, I wish I hadn't had to struggle with insomnia for so many years, since this is such an effective solution. I can't and don't have any desire to smoke during the day. Altering my state of mind isn't the goal. Feeling high definitely isn't the goal. Natural pain relief is. But because of the psychoactive effects, I can't using cannabis during the day. Besides, I can't stay awake, so daytime use would render me useless. I know there are ways of getting the pain relief benefits without the high. I should look into that for daytime use.

Snookums is in the dining room working on an essay for school. It's after midnight, and I'm tired. I want to wait up for him, but he's taking too long. It isn't due yet, but he wants to get it done so we can spend time together tomorrow without him worrying about it. He's so sweet. I'll see if I can find something on tv and stay up a little longer. But he better hurry! My eyes are getting heavy...




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