Interrupted

My Life Thus Far
2015-06-09 08:04:10 (UTC)

Tonight, I Need Help

Leave it to me to wait until after 1am to write, when I was already feeling tired at 10pm! Why do I do that to myself? It's a sad story, procrastinating doing the things you actually like doing...

There was nothing notable about work to share. It was a relatively quiet day. I did a lot of standing around, idle busy work (recovery, filling walls, cleaning). It was the calm before the store. Tomorrow is day 1 of Semi-Annual. I'm not at all excited about it. But all I have to do is get through tomorrow, then I have two days off. In a row! That rarely happens, so I've got something to look forward to.

I'm in a quandary when it comes to do about my back issues. The pain in my right foot is probably more agony than even the back pain that's causing it. It's like the top of my foot is on fire. Compound that with the hip pain and the low back ache. I just don't know what to do. I was thinking about calling my doctor tomorrow to see what's going on with the MRI consult, but then I got 3 medical bills in the mail today, and I just don't want to. I feel like I have to finish paying for the last health crisis I went through before I can finance the next. I really wish I didn't have to pay medical bills. But then I remember how shitty my care was when I didn't have private insurance. It's a give and take. I'm willing to pay for high quality care if I didn't get sick/injured so damn much!

My period is all over the place. I also think it's compounding the back issues. Last month it came on the 14th. It used to come on the 6th or 7th, but then it was late a couple months (the 12th in April, the 14th in May). I was expecting it to come next week, but out of the blue, it started today. I don't know what my body is up to. I didn't feel like it was impending. Other than wanting to eat all the food in the house, back pain (but that's a constant these days), and a little bloating, the usual stuff isn't there. I haven't cried about anything. No cramping. No uterine ligament pulling sensation. Just the vague one week out stuff. Whatever. I'd rather it come sooner and be done with. I just wonder what's up with the erraticness.

Snookums isn't home tonight. He's doing sale setup. He's so pleased to be working for VS. I wish he'd feel the same kind of pride in getting a real, full-time job. I feel like we're almost just barely skimming by sometimes. Everything gets paid, but not without some finagling and oftentimes, feelings of being strapped or overextended. I don't need to be rich to be happy. But, God I would LOVE to be comfortable. Every time we get there Snookums sabotages us. I'm trying not to dwell on it, or harbor resentment for his lack of ambition, but I do. I so do. I'd love to hit the lottery, but I guess that would require that I buy a ticket.

I should try to sleep. It's tough when I'm alone, but I have a busy day ahead of me. As much as I'd love to not depend on cannabis to help me out with insomnia, I'm totally okay with admitting I need help sometimes. Tonight, I need help.




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