Interrupted
My Life Thus Far
The Entirety of the Problem
I started off my day feeling like a minor failure. Like no matter what I do, it's never enough. It's not right. Work-related of course. I'm trying not to dwell so much on work, but some days it's hard when that's where I spend the majority of my time, and it affects my moods in such a profound way. Basically, I was told that I'm not doing that great of a job managing 6 fitting rooms and watching the stupid public bathroom, and preventing shitty "customers" from stealing stuff. I'm only one person. I'm doing my best, the odds are kind of stacked against me in that regard. I know it's not what Sara meant, but it's how I perceived it. I want out of retail, like yesterday. I'm being very deliberate in my actions. I could up and quit with no real plan of action, but that would be reckless and irresponsible. My job is important to the needs of my family. I have to have something lined up. That's the entirety of the problem, though. What would I do? What would I do that will make the same pay or more than I'm making now? What will make me feel fulfilled and whole? What won't piss me off enough that I'd want to quit in a week (my track record before VS)? What is my passion? I dunno. This is why I stay. Primarily because I don't know where else to go. All in good time, though... I will figure this out, as I always do.
Tonight's after work adventure was all the way out past Port Hadlock and Nordland to Fort Flagler State Park. Fort Flagler is an old WWI military instillation that was decommissioned in the early '50's. It's part of the Triangle of Fire (three instillations total) built in the late 1800's to protect Puget Sound (specifically the shipyards in Everett and Bremerton) from enemy attack. We'd already been to Fort Casey and Fort Worden, but in all of my years I'd never been to Fort Flagler, and neither had Snookums or the kids. So, we went tonight. I can see why I'd never been before. It was out in the middle of nowhere! It only took us about 40 minutes to get there from home, but there's pretty much nothing else out there other than gorgeous views, sprawling farmland, and giant homes I could only dream of ever owning. We didn't get to stay long, since the kids have school tomorrow, but it was a fun little discovery expedition. We walked on the beach, looked at sea creatures, read some of the historical signage, and decided that it is most definitely worth coming back to explore more extensively. The beach is sandy and long. Which is a hot commodity in Washington State. Most beaches are very rocky.
My unresolved back issues have manifested into yet another nagging symptom. Now, I'm having this shooting, spasming pain on the top of my right foot. The best description I can give of the pain, would be like a cramp. Or a charlie horse. The entire top of my foot feels like it's tensing up. At first I thought maybe I injured my foot somehow, but I can't think of a single thing I've done out of the ordinary, or that caused me any kind of trauma. Nothing. So, of course I had to Google that shit. I asked if a herniated disk could cause foot pain, and that was the first thing to pop up. Disk degeneration or herniation. I have both. Mystery solved. So, the problem isn't going away on it's own, even though I've pretty much learned to live with the pain. It is my constant companion. As much as I want to ignore the problem, I need to deal with this. I can't risk permanent nerve damage, which is a possibility if it goes untreated. Why, universe? Why?
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