Interrupted

My Life Thus Far
2015-05-31 06:03:09 (UTC)

I Can't Quit Trying

I generally spend a good portion of each entry whining about work. This entry will be almost entirely about work, but in an unexpected turn of events, it will be GOOD things instead of bitching and moaning!

I woke up this morning with the heaviest sense of dread. I have this terrible habit of building things up in my head to be way more than they actually are. I envision the worst possible scenario, then allow it to poison my psyche. I start to panic, feel sick, procrastinate, etc. It's a self-fulfilling prophecy, really. I make things out to be the worst in my head. So, then all I can see is the bad. Anyhow, I woke up feeling like that. Yet, I still managed to dress up, show up, and get the job done.

The grand opening ceremony was at 9:45am. There really weren't that many customers there (which was fine with me, because crowds aren't my favorite). I had envisioned hoarding throngs. Maybe 25-30 people were actually there. Regular customers I see all the time. There was a ribbon cutting and pictures were taken (I actually looked good in them, so that was awesome). It was a wonderful feeling, being a part of something big. Basically, history. At least on a local scale. Once the ribbon cutting was over, we opened the store to customers and I basically hit the ground running from there. I didn't have time to worry about my sales, or if I was getting credit. Honestly, I didn't even care. It was such a liberating feeling. It's actually a huge relief not having to worry about that. Sure, I may end up making less money in the long run (for whatever reason. Or maybe I won't, who knows really), it's okay. For the first time in awhile, I was purely focused on the job at hand. I did check my numbers when I left. I averaged over $500/hr. I honestly didn't feel like I'd done all that much. I want to be able to let go a little when it comes to the sales tracking thing. After today, I think I'll be able to. Not just because I did well, but even before I knew I'd done well. I was okay with the idea of not. It must be because new surroundings have changed my perspective. Whatever the reason, I shall embrace it.

And now for some of the more pressing issues in my life:
My back.
Veganism.
My overall state of well-being.

My back: feels better than it has in awhile. Even though most of my body is sore in some way, my back is feeling a little stronger, and a bit less twinge-y (that's not a real word, but I'm using it). My hip isn't aching quite as much, either. I think all of the physical activity this week may actually be helping more than hurting. I read somewhere that strengthening the back and leg muscles can help with the pain, and this appears to be true. I need to get back in the gym (yep, fell off with that again), and work on strengthening my back muscles. The pain isn't totally gone, but there is improvement. I'll take it.

Veganism: is awesome. I believe that there is some merit to the blood type diet idea. Which recommends a plant-based, diary-free, wheat-free diet for my blood type. I think I talked about this before. There are some things about it I don't want to adhere to (no bananas, coconut oil, sweet potatoes, and a few other fruits and veggies). I don't think any fruit or vegetable is bad for me. I don't care what "they" say. I've omitted so much already. So, I'm happily going about my life, eating vegan and not worrying too much about what vegetation I'm eating. I'm not having a single ill affect anymore. Not even gas from all the beans I eat!

My overall sense of well-being: is good. It's something that I like to assess daily. When I look back at myself a year ago. Even 6 months ago, I see a very different state of mind. I think the depressive fog I once lived in is finally breaking. I wouldn't say it's gone. I think it will always loom on the horizon, but for now there is definitely sunshine. I have hope again. I truly believe it's been a combination of therapy, diet, and sheer stubbornness. I can't quit trying.

Tomorrow is my last day working with my store manager for awhile. She's going to another store for the summer. Covering another store manager's maternity leave. I want to get going a little earlier so I can get her a little going away gift. Even though she isn't going anywhere far, or permanently, I know I won't see her for a few months. It's not like I socialize ever. I know I'll sleep well tonight as sore as I am. The challenge is getting my behind out of bed!




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