Interrupted

My Life Thus Far
2015-05-25 01:24:29 (UTC)

The One Consistently Shitty Thing

I'm so angry right now, all I can do is cry. I do that when I'm really pissed off. But then it makes me feel weak. Which makes me even more angry. Which makes me cry more. Anyhow, I don't want to cry about it. I feel like taking action. Which I suppose isn't a terrible reaction to strong emotion. Thing is, I'm not sure what type of action I should be taking. And if I did take any sort of action (at the moment), it would probably be out of anger, and may be something I regret. So, after laying in bed for half an hour sulking, I decided writing would probably be as good of an outlet as any.

Of course, this is about work. The one consistently shitty thing in my life these days. If it weren't for my husband's continued state of unemployment, and apparent dislike of working in general. I'd definitely quit. There's no hiding it from myself anymore. I'm not happy, and I haven't been in a long while. Probably since I started working full-time. And definitely when we went to commission. I remember thinking years ago "if VS goes to commission, I'm leaving", well the day has come, and as I suspected, I'm miserable. Not because I can't sell. I can. All day, everyday. The problem is trusting other people (and even customers) to give credit where credit is due. Today, my sales plan was $2,000... I got credit for just about $400. Yet, the new girl zoned with me back in the fitting rooms (to help with go backs and such) had over $3,000 by 5pm. And yet, I'm the "expert" doing all of the work. Turns out all you really need to know how to do to sell well is scream your name at customers a million times, until they can't remember anything else.

Once we move to the new store my pay will be based on whether or not the store as a whole makes sales plan. Not on my individual sales. Which is even more scary, because there have been several weeks that I've made my personal sales goals but the store didn't make plan. With Jason not working, I can't risk not making that commission. I also can't stand the stress of wondering and worrying about it. I need guaranteed pay. I need stability. I don't feel like my job is secure in the sense that I can't predict what I'll be making each month. It's causing me so much anxiety and stress. I truly feel like it's the one thing in my life that's causing me the most distress and unhappiness. Maybe the only thing. I'm miserable, and I'm powerless to change my circumstances because my husband has tied my hands behind my back. I need to start looking for something else, but working 50 hours this week setting up the new store is going to make that pretty tough. Once again, I just gotta suck it up and be miserable. But what's new?

Okay, I think it's out of my system for now... I'm going to be sad for the rest of the evening. Then, get up tomorrow and go to work. Because I don't have the poor work ethic that's required to call out simply because I don't want to go. It's the last day in the old store. It's too soon to tell how I'm going to feel about it.




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