Interrupted

My Life Thus Far
2015-05-17 06:48:35 (UTC)

There's Some Benefit to Letting Go

I'm not proud of how I acted at work today. I was a bitch by the end of my shift. It's no secret that I'm not a huge fan of new associates. After almost 9 years in the same job, I've seen so many girls come and go. I've trained so many people, only for them to turn around and leave a month later. Which means I have to train yet another girl for every one that quits. It's an exhausting, never-ending cycle. And now with the new incentive program, every minute I'm not selling, I'm essentially losing money. Normally, the money isn't a big deal, but with Snookums not working it's always in the back of my mind. We are teetering on the edge of comfortable, and over-extended.

Anyhow, all day I did fittings on the new girls' customers (for them, because none of them have been certified or even remotely trained in fittings), wardrobed (because they have zero bra knowledge), and register trained (because every transaction is hard when you don't know how the register system works). At least a third of the sales I would normally have gotten credit for went to any number of other associates, because customers were remembering them over me. Like, I didn't even matter or contribute to their experience. Once we move to the new store, it's no big deal. That's actually going to be my role. Performing fittings, and running the fitting rooms while the sales girls sell. But until then, I'm expected to sell also, and sell well. I can't let myself lose this month's commission because I'm taking the back burner to a bunch of enthusiastic new girls. If anyone actually reads this, I know it doesn't make any sense. I just need to bitch about it a little. I'll get over it.

I read an article today, that made a ton of sense to me. It talked about simplifying our environment to help with mindfulness, and peace of mind in general. I have definitely felt a little scattered lately, and I can't fully put my finger on why. My home as a whole, really isn't cluttered, but my nightstand and closet are definitely collection spots. Tonight I got my nightstand cleared off, dusted, and a vase of new flowers are in place (that I arranged myself. Stargazer lilies, peach roses, orange snapdragons, and white daisies). It's going to do me good to wake up to the smell of lilies, and to not see a scatter of books and random stuff piled high. Next goal is my closet. It's a walk in closet, but there's no walking in going on right now. It's so stuffed in there. I need to purge all of the clothes I haven't worn in 3 or 4 years, but for whatever reason haven't been able to part with. I know there's more pieces in there I'd wear more often if I could actually find them!

I've finally found a wine I LIKE. Not one I can tolerate, but one that tastes good! It kind of reminds me of kombucha. It's sparkling, slightly sweet, and acidic. The alcohol is there (10%, so I definitely felt a little buzz), but not overpowering. It's a peach Moscato that I picked up totally on a whim at Central Market. I'll definitely get it again. I can't say for sure I'll make wine drinking a habit, but if the mood strikes me, now I've got one I know I like. This year I've started drinking and smoking cannabis. Probably considered risky behaviors, or reckless by some. And yet, I feel more relaxed, balanced, and happy (in the past few months) than I've felt in years. I'm thinking that maybe there's some benefit to letting go a little. I spend so much of my life wound tight. Walking the straight and narrow. Keeping up appearances. I need to let go, and let life happen. Without me needing to be in total control.




Ad: