Marlon Brazilian

Somewhere in Brazil
2015-05-14 21:52:09 (UTC)

May, 14, 2015.

Well, tonight we were allowed to come home earlier, one of the teacher that was supposed to have given us a class couldn't be present so we left for home at like 9 pm. I joined my workmates and walked to the final buss stop where I took the bus.

I'm fine. I kind of had a good day.

I feel like there are so many things to write about but I cant seem to be able to put in words what I have been feeling and wanting.

I'm such a messed up human being, seriously, I wish I could be like most of people, I wish I could just decide what I want and go for it, but my mind is always so fucking messed up. My thought are in a never ending race.

On Saturday night I'm going to Matanza's concert in a neighboring town called Leme, the son of the owner of the comapany where I work will drive us there, when I say ''us'' Im referring to me, Nicole and his girlfriend. I think it's gonna be fun. Matanza is a band I have liked and listened to for 3 years or so and seeing them play live might be nice.

On Sunday afternoon I think Im going to Neto and Fernando's birthday party. I'm glad they invited me, that kind of means a lot to me, I feel wanted and part of something. Thank you bros!


It's been colder which is great, I've had chances to wear jackets and blouses and I just like that.

I miss my family in south, I miss everything, everyday. I hate it how much I reflect on everything that happens or that has happened.


I don't want to sound suicidal or sad but that's just how I feel. i need help.

Gosh, reading what I just wrote makes me feel even worse, not gonna rewrite that though.


At home, here, I dont feel wanted, I actually feel like I'm being hosted, like I'm not a part of this family, I feel like I'm a visitor, I feel like I'm bothering by just being around. I DONT REALLY FEEL WANTED. I feel as if it's a favor from my mother and stepfather that I'm living here. That saddens me, that really does saddens me. I feel alone, lonely.


Lately, I constantly consider suicide, in fact thats something I've considered for a real long time. But I dont think I would go on with it, my mood changes suddenly and suicide is a no turning back option.

I need to vent to someone, I haven't EVER really vented to someone and maybe thats why I'm getting worse but the idea of sharing my feelings and hopes and fear with someone is scary, for some reason.

It's Thursday night.

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Listening to: Daughter, Youth. (That songs reminds me of Elise).

Marlon, Somewhere lonely in Brazil.




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