rainy

My heart in a knot
2015-05-08 17:21:49 (UTC)

Starting now

So today I finally started the process of leaving my current job! there were two things that motivated me to do so. First my family going on the trip without me really showed me that I don't think they care much at all about me and I need to make some changes in my life so I am not so dependent on them. And secondly, NYC is leaving in 4 days and today she was giving a dramatic speech about how terrible a place it is to work and it made me realize that I've been settling for the past 5 years instead of moving on and looking for something better. NYC is moving to another state though, I wish I had whatever it is she has to just up and move all around the country, I wonder what that must be like especially dealing with the process of moving.

I just don't think I could imagine having to constantly pack up all of my stuff and continue to move and move especially with a child, but I guess she sees and experiences a lot more than I do, I just wish I would of taken the time to get to know her a little better before our departures.


Well, there is no telling what the future will hold for me now, I imagine I'll spend a bit of time jobless until I find something, but eventually I'll find something and figure out the rest as I go along. I know it might not seem wise to quit my job until I've found something else but I lack motivation so if I'm not making any money at all that will greatly motivate me.


I'm just ready to leave in general as well, it's been a long 5 years and I never meant to stay that long.


I have a terrible headache today, I think my thyroid has been getting worst for some reason and I always feel drained of energy... hopefully taking this time away for a bit will help me start to feel better, I'll do a detox when I leave my job and see if I start to make any improvements because I know my unhappiness at my job is also a contributing factor.

Oh yea... My GPA rose by one point, I now have a 3.85, I really do miss my 4.0 but my two B's really messed that up for me, I got all A's this semester and hopefully it will be the same for summer semester as well. Summer should be my last semester unless something goes wrong.

I'm excited to see where my life goes in the next few years, of course I do worry a bit, but I have to remain positive or my worries will get the best of me.


My dad had stopped by this morning in the van they rented to take their trip. He said "maybe next time" I could go... but I highly doubt there will be a next time, I might be dead or they might be old and in nursing homes because they don't do much at all. I was honestly a bit bitter because I really wanted to go to DC, I wanted to see DC and all it has to offer. Maybe someday I'll get up the courage to go on my own or find a travel partner. Or maybe I'll get the chance to have an opportunity going some place nice.

I guess I'm done for now, my laptop is messing up plus I have a slight headache, I'm going to have to look into the issue with my thyroid and see if it's what the problem is or if it's something else.





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