Interrupted

My Life Thus Far
2015-05-03 06:52:51 (UTC)

Still My Sweet Little Baby

I have been sitting in bed for hours, yet I'm just now getting around to writing (at almost midnight). Why do I continue to slip into old habits? This one not being as destructive as some of my other old habits, but still, something I've tried to break myself of. I write more and better when I write earlier. I'm more introspective, and I have more concise thoughts. Late at night, I'm too tired, or I can't finish a complete thought. Tomorrow I will do better.

I've been slightly "off" today. I got off work earlier than expected (3pm instead of 6:30pm), but instead of doing something with my newfound free time, I came home and took a nap while the kids played outside and Snookums mowed the lawn. I suppose I needed it, although I wasn't feeling any more tired than usual. I woke up around 7pm, changed into pajamas, and ate vegetable fried rice in bed (that Snookums brought me from our favorite Vietnamese restaurant). It was a very relaxed evening. Despite that, my mood has been slightly volatile. I think it's PMS. I hate using that as an excuse or crutch, but it's true. It plagues my life for one full week every month. I wish there was some way to make it go away.

How is it even possible to be vegan, but still feel like a fatty? This is definitely PMS at work. I haven't eaten anything that would make me feel bloated or that could contribute to any type of weight gain, and yet I feel heavy and thick. Not light and slim like I have been. I don't need to weigh myself to know I've lost some weight. That isn't important to me, but feeling healthy and fit is. I don't feel that way right now. Yuck. I love being a woman... except for this.

Tonight after dinner, Keenan came into my bedroom for a cuddle. He climbed into bed with me and fell asleep on my chest. Even though he'll be 7 in less than 2 months, he is still my sweet little baby. I love all of my children to the ends of the earth and back, but Keenan and I have a different relationship than me and the girls. Even as he grows older and more independent, I still feel that deep bond with him. I hope it never goes away. Even when he's too big to climb into my lap and fall asleep.




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