Interrupted
My Life Thus Far
Small Blessings
Saying I'm going to do something is a surefire way of getting myself to actually do it. I have a very tough time not keeping my word, even if it's just something I'm committing to myself. Perhaps it has something to do with being let down so much as a child. Anyways, I said I'd get up and go to the gym today, and I did. It felt fantastic. In fact, I think I'm ready to start upping my activity level a little more. Today, I just did my low impact weight circuit, but I think I need some more high impact cardio. Maybe some heavier weights. But also, yoga needs to happen. My schedule next week is all over the damn place. I'm not sure how I'm going to work it in. I was also thinking about going to Barnes & Noble to see if they have some good yoga materials (I used to have a playing card-like deck of yoga positions. Who knows where it went). Then, I could practice at home, perhaps in the evening before bed. I don't love exercising at home, but if it's important to me I'll find a way.
Work was work. It's part of my day, so I feel like I should mention it. Christine was doing onboarding when I got there. It felt like they were always in my way. I have so little patience when it comes to new associates. I hate to admit it, but I hate new associates. Not personally (usually), but in general. You spend so much time teaching them things, only for them to end up quitting. Retail isn't anyone's forever job. Which, makes me wonder why I'm still here. 9 years in September. I can't believe I've stuck it out this long. Especially after all of the ups and downs I've been through with the company. Ultimately, I stay because I love what I do. Even with all of the ups and downs. One thing I am grateful for is a better schedule than I've had in the past. I don't close every night, so I get to have dinner with the family, and be home for bedtime. Small blessings.
Yesterday my dad found some old photos of me with my mother, and him back in his young Navy days. I reposted one of the pictures of my mom, and somehow a friend and I got into a conversation about what happened between my mother and I, and why we don't have contact anymore. The abuse is something I feel like I've done really well working through in my life. It doesn't make me feel special or heroic in any way. It's just a part of my past. But, a few of my friends ended up commenting on the picture and they had such nice things to say. How they think I'm courageous, funny, a good person... It made me a little sad that I don't feel those things about myself. I wish I felt like I was as good of a person as others seem to think I am. Really, there's only two types of people in my universe. Those that love me, and those that dislike or misunderstand me. I put so much more weight in what the people who dislike me say. I want to work on that.
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