Interrupted

My Life Thus Far
2015-04-09 07:03:19 (UTC)

Happiness is a Daily Practice

In this moment, I am feeling happy, peaceful, content, and very comfortable in my skin. These are aren't sensations I take lightly. It's exactly what I've been working towards for months - years even! One of my may personality flaws is my need to understand WHY I'm happy. Primarily in the hopes of understanding how I got there, so that I can bottle the magic formula and summon it again when my happiness dips low. It doesn't work that way. Happiness is a daily practice. Like yoga, learning a new language, or building a relationship. It's not something I can achieve, and then save for later. I am, however learning valuable tools to help me achieve it daily. Even if an entire day isn't fabulous, there is something fabulous in every day.

I woke up this morning uneasy. Some mornings start like that. I'll wake up feeling like I missed my alarm and am running behind schedule (even if I'm not), or I'll wake from a less than pleasant dream and that negative haze hangs over me. I've been sleeping well lately, but that doesn't stop the troublesome dreams from infiltrating now and then. Especially in those semi-wakeful early morning hours when I'm close to waking up, but still very much in dreamland. It's like all of the troublesome thoughts I'd dealt with the day before are waiting for me on the nightstand. Even if I thought my problems were resolved, they come back. Nothing really goes away until you deal with it. Often when I think I have, I really haven't. I'm just pushing down feeling again (old habits die hard). So, I woke up with some old uneasy feelings today. Usually that puts me in a pissy pessimistic mood, which makes me dread whatever is before me that day. Usually work. Even though things have been relatively stress free (compared to months past). Instead of going with those yuck emotions, I thought I'd take a few moments to really address what I was feeling. So often I don't even attempt to get down to the root of the problem. I do it for my kids, but never for myself. So, this morning, I did it. Turns out it was one of those stupid dream hazes. I have constant recurring dreams about my parents (mother and stepfather). I can't really say why they're on my mind. I don't know. But I wish the universe would stop. They're out of my life for a reason.

I managed to get myself going with enough time to hit the gym before work. Every day this happens is a victory. I'm exceedingly grateful for the energy to enjoy it! I'm really starting to feel good in my body again. I can feel changes for the better. I'm not sure what I weigh (because that isn't really important to me), but I'm feeling slimmer, more toned, energized, and clean. Like I just came off of a detox. My body feels light and my mind is clear. I'm having a little pain in my hips, but I'm attributing it to getting back into working out and getting those muscles and ligaments loosened up. I need to work yoga back into the program too. I miss it. There are several classes at the Y. I just need to take a look at my schedule and see what works.

Tonight I decided that I needed sex. This is also something I need to work on. My libido is hot and cold. Sometimes I want it almost insatiably (and Snookums can't keep up), other times I don't even want to think about it. Healthy, fit people have more and better sex. Sex is good for the mind and body on so many levels. It needs to become more consistent and a higher priority. Snookums told me that he's ready to start working on his physical healthy as well, so if we both get in better shape, it can only help!

Well, I guess I felt like writing tonight! I'm feeling so great, it's nice to have something positive to report. Tomorrow I have therapy. I'm excited to share with her the progress I've made these past couple weeks. I'm applying the daily lessons from my book, being more present in life, and not just sitting back and letting things happen to me. I'm embracing the role I play in my own happiness and well-being. It's all within my reach.




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