My Letter To The World
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2015-03-20 04:51:33 (UTC)

It's finally happened.

Mary O.must have given mom s number to Donna S. Cause donna texted mom and got mu number and called me and it was scary, awkward, uncomfortable anxiety filled anger filled, sad and many other undetectable emotions.
I spoke to my bioligical mother for the first time in my entire life...
A 17 minute phone conversation...
Where she denied the crimes she committed and Rambled on and on.
She spoke over me.
And asked lots of questions.
She was either drunk or high or both at the time.
She cried.
I hung up feeling angry, sad, embarressed and dissapointed.
I knew she'd probably be that way... But still.
I had hoped....
Now i'm afraid of not being able to distance myself...if i see her like she wants me too.
I've waited my whole life for this... And spent the better part of 4 years searching for her, for them and now its all at my fing'er tips... Now i just have to decide what to do...
How to continue while protecting myself from any more hurt.
And how to do the right thing in this situation... Heck even have to figure out what that is.
I'm tired sick, physically, emotionally and spiritually worn out and i don't think i can do this right now!
But if i don't answer her calls/text i think i'll feel guilty which is stupid because i don't owe her anything.
What to do...what to say...
God help me do this well.
I need you.

Wish me luck readers..