Interrupted
My Life Thus Far
Food for the Soul
This will be a short entry tonight. I plan on spending some time with Snookums. While I feel like I'm getting a better grasp on my personal issues, I feel like he's struggling with something (perhaps work-related, or his lack of work at the moment). He's always had a hard time expressing emotion, so I doubt I'll be able to get anything out of him. Regardless, we need some quality time together. It's funny how you can live with someone, see them everyday, sleep in the same bed, and yet still feel somewhat distant.
I did something today I don't normally do. I socialized! I never want to do it. I dread it, but afterwards I'm always glad that I did it. Something as simple as tea with an old friend is food for the soul. I need to do it more often. As much as I hate the idea of breaking out of my self-imposed little bubble, it's necessary. I think the reason I avoid it so fervently is because working retail takes so much out of me. I need lots of alone time to recharge. So, as much as she invites me over, I know I won't be taking her up on it as much as she would like. I just can't, but I enjoyed being with her today.
As of now, Thursdays are therapy days for me. In October of last year, I decided to commit to therapy again. I stopped going years ago, because I got placed with a therapist I just didn't mesh well with. He kept insisting that I go to church, when I repeatedly told him that theism isn't for me. It's something I'd come to terms with many years ago. I really tried to have a relationship with God. It isn't for me, we'll just leave it at that. So, to be basically badgered into doing it didn't sit well with me. At the time I didn't know I could simply request a different therapist. It wasn't offered to me. Now I know better. My current therapist and I get along very well. We share similar mindsets and spirituality. If she wasn't my therapist, I think I could be friends with her. I shared with her The Book of Awakening (she's going to read it too!), and I shared with her about my "medicating" at night. I was hoping she wouldn't tell me to stop. After listening to me explain how I use it and why, she said it sounds like I'm using it appropriately and within reason. She'll keep an eye on me to make sure it doesn't become an addiction (using it other times besides at night, not being able to control my desire for it, sacrificing responsibilities for it, etc). I don't really have an addictive personality, so I'm not concerned about it, but I appreciate having her guidance.
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