Interrupted
My Life Thus Far
Living Intentionally
I missed yesterday (writing). For good reason. I was having an endoscopy. My appointment was at 4:20pm, but somehow a 10 minute procedure took until after 7pm. Anyhow, nothing is wrong with my stomach or esophagus. Small blessings. The anesthesia they gave me was wicked strong. Not only do I not remember the procedure, I came home and slept for 12 straight hours, was up for about an hour around 8am, then slept 3 hours more before getting up for work. Perhaps I needed the rest, because I've felt great all day. I'm getting tired now, but it is almost 2am.
Last week I decided I want to give veganism a go again. I tried it several years ago, but went about it all wrong (lots of processed vegan junk, tons of soy, which turns out I'm allergic to). This time, the focus is where it should be. Fresh vegetables, fruits, nuts, seeds. Whole nutrition. I'm not doing this as a form of punishment or as a weight loss plan (though, from experience, I know that will happen). I was talking with Jason about it tonight at dinner. I'm happiest when I feel like I'm living intentionally. With purpose, and some semblance of control over my life. What I eat is just another manifestation of that. But in a much more positive way than an eating disorder, like I've struggled with in the past.
With each day that goes by, I'm feeling stronger. Not every moment is happy, but I'm coping better and am finding ways to really embrace and relish what life brings. There is always happiness to be found, if you're willing to look for it. I'm reading multiple passages in my book each day (The Book of Awakening), and am doing the meditations. Putting in the work. It's about time I finally own up to my own happiness, and stop hoping happiness will find me. Happiness, happiness, happiness! Seems like it's all I focus on, but without it life is a drudgery most definitely not worth the effort.
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