My Letter To The World
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2015-02-12 20:33:17 (UTC)

Life time search ends

I've wondered and searched for my biological family since iwas 16 and the search finally ends today...at least a larg part of it anyway.
I found MO and she knows about DS and they both live in Cordell and i'm going to go and meet with them saturday.
I met MO, i actually talked to someone in my biological family.
she told me i looked like my mother...which i felt a very big satisfaction with...and then i felt kind of bad for feeling happy about that.
Is it bad that i liked looking like someone? why the Guilt?
well i know why...because that doesn't matter, looking like someone and blood doesn't matter.
It never will.
Relationships will, Biology won't.

MO says i Have five siblings 2 brothers in Tulsa 17, and 16 or 15.
and Three sisters 12, 11 and 7 months old.
the youngest of all living with MO.
None of them know i even Exist... None of them know about me, or Levi or what Donna did.
If i meet them saturday that will be really awkward...

And then theres the whole meeting Donna herself thing...
MO says that she can bring her to the park... and the thought kind of terrifies me. I don't know, i've wanted to meet her but now that it's real it's scary.
Because she's the one that gave birth to Levi and i, but she's the one that killed him...and that is going to all come up in my head the moment i see her the moment i look into her eyes and that kind of scares me.
But... i find that odd considering just a few entry's ago i was writting about this and how i just wanted to be ablle to look into her eyes and talk to her.
I still do want that...but i want to do it with out looking scared or intemidated.
I have to be strong...for Levi, and for my self.
I'm scared, Excited, Happy and courious.
wish me luck with this, that i handle it all well.
and send some prayers my way please.