Therapist

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2015-01-18 22:52:46 (UTC)

Say the word one more time.. And I'll stab you!!!

Today. I listened. The things I didn't want to hear from my own sister. My hero, my best friend, my other half. My sister,Naya.. the one I have hopes for that she'll do great things. Just fall apart. And worst.. Seeing her cry. It's been years since she last cried. It felt to real. TOOO real.

I never knew she felt that way. It struck me when she said " I don't even know how to love, I don't even know if I love you." That.shock me. Not because of thy. But to make this short. Perfection is what i name this situation The word "perfect" is the most hatred word in my vocabulary. Some one broke my sister. The strongest I've ever known, in my entire 17 years of living with her. She cracked. It felt nice shed open up to me:) it felt relaxing it felt like. The living room was a room that was suffocating the air out, until the storm calmed down the danger, when someone open the door . And let the fresh air in. Letting go. And opening a new level of sister hood.

I know this is the most cliche phrase everyone has heard. "Every one is perfect their own way" That is a lie. People tend to put tags of instructions on what that person needs to do. I hate the word. I hate it. My sister Ana especially telling me "you're so perfect". Like shut up I can be a bitch, which explains why I have been a bitch to her lately. Honestly. I want her out!!! I know i might not have wifi after this but. It would probably let me concentrate on school work. I tend to hate that word. I don't believe in "perfect in their own way" I tend to believe in. Humanity. If that makes any scenes, I think it doesn't. By this I mean... Everyone will have their moments of sadness, happiness, self-destruct. I believe everyone is the same emotion. But different minds of thinking the situation. I'm planing on helping my sister from this dark hole, the same way I have been struggling but hers.. Hers is worse. Makes me feel like I'm normal. Haha (not a laughing matter damnit, geek)freak) .

Emotions. That's a biggie. People tend to take things differently. Some people may have problems exposing their feelings out loud. It's like being naked in public at McDonald's. exposing the scars that marked you for ever. (Future me if you're reading this. I hope you'd understand.)

I am really glad she well her boyfriend decided to take a break. To make her set goals in life. That is really good. I hope.

I honestly listen. I couldn't offer my advice without over thinking that I'd misinform her.

I'm planning to look for therapy . For my sister. With out mom knowing. Mom. She just a religious type, with Naya being atheist . Lol she doesn't even know that Naya is athirst lol. And sadly . I think it's pretty funny.

Oh, well. Life is life.

But what hurt me the most.( trying not to make this over me) is that all these years I felt really dependent on Naya. Someone who gave me the best advice, the girl who told me "if you ever come to an embarrassing topic of yourself, laugh about it people would forget faster." That helped alot!!! Now people think I'm hilarious!!

Honestly. I pray.. For my atheist sister lol.. If that's possible.if she could really focus in getting in to the Chicago application . I really hope she does.. Please. Please. Let her step in her game with out fear. Prove my other two sisters wrong. That she can be responsible and live away. I know deep inside she can do it.

After this makes me think I need to start being more independent for myself.
It's like I'm a hassle on nayas back to carry my pathetic problems.. Lol for real half the shit on here. It's stupid!!!! My sister should be the one writing in this journal not me!!!

I'm finding a therapist. Someone who can help my sister.

Please. Isn't it odd to pray for an atheist??? Lol

Yours truly,
GeekFreak




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