Screened In Porch

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2015-01-12 15:29:59 (UTC)

Rainy Monday a very dreary day here

It is misty outside today. Not as cold as recent days but it is
a nasty wet winter day. Not a day I look forward too. But today
has been planned and I have hope of accomplishing some more tidying
up. I told him last night that I wanted to try to finish the pantry
cleanout today. He likes the new organization I have planned and
says he will help today. I look forward to having one more chore
complete. rain or shine.

My BFF was supposed to go out with this guy we know who is
recently divorced. It is situations like this that reminds me
of why I am glad to be married, off the market and not single.
This would be a nightmare for me. I am sure I would not be
a good date. Do not want to go through this crap.

First of all, she is the one BFF who claims to live her life
with GIRL CODE in place. She would never ever date or have a
relationship with any man who was once involved with one of
her friends or relatives. So she has said. I do recall the
first time she brought this up.

She had been spending some time with this man we met downtown
and he was friends with many of us. She went on one date with him
and talked to him on the phone a lot. But that was about it.
Accept for the fact every time we went there and he come in,
he seemed to gravitate to us and even gave us all a ride home
one night. Some times he would ask me to dance too. And yes,
he was caught several times giving me the eye. Nothing for me
to be concerned about. I am not single and I get that type of
reaction a lot. But she did have the GIRL CODE conversation
back then and asked me if I would every go OUT with someone
that she had if I ever had the opportunity. Meaning if at some
time in my future I became single or something like that? So,
I told her of course not. Something about that does not sit
well with me. However, I told her that if I died, I would be
okay with her going out with my husband. I was giving her
permission to spend time with him cause honestly I figure
if I do die before either of them, they are both going to need
each other to be friends if nothing else. But if it evolved into
something deeper, they both had my blessing. Now, that is
a real good friend, huh? Yeah, I thought so too. But even
that situation was not one she would break her girl code rules
for. She said she would Never DO THAT...AND when I brought this
same subject up with him, he said the same thing. Not that it
matters, I figure they would comfort one another if that happened
and both of them were saying this to me now because of the discomfort
it brought them. No problem.

So...this guy we both know and we also know his ex wife. Not real
good, but we do know her. She likes us enough to always sit with
us if we go out and she comes into the place. She has our phone
numbers in her phone and she text us sometimes. Not real close
to her, but it is clear she thinks the world of both of us. She
has shared her feelings regarding her divorce, her family etc to
both of us; you get my drift....

so, when he the ex husband asked me if I thought my BFF would
conider going out with him, I figured she would not, being all
gun hoe into that girl code thing....but I told him he would
have to have that conversation with my BFF since I could not
answer that question for her. So....he did just that and they
talked last week. Now, I warned her not to listen to crap about
the exwife...and just let him know that she does not want to
hear crap about her as it made her feel uncomfortable. Well,
she did not do that. She made plans to go out with him this
past Saturday and I had to listen to it all week....and I had
to listen to almost everything he said about his ex. I am
not too sure what to think about all this. She ended up telling
him she was going to have to cancel because of her schedule and
promised to revisit the idea of going out at a later time.

Now...why in the hell would she even talk to him like that?
Now, I can understanding having the conversation, the first one,
the one where you set boundaries and expectations. I would have
never even talked to him on the phone or shared my number with
him unless it was about business. But I am not single.

He was lonely...and the more she talked to him the more she
realized he was an affectionate person and she had not thought
it through to that point. She did not want him being all affectionate...I almost think she just want to talk to him
about his personal business until she heard enough to run.

I do not blame her for changing her mind as it was clear he
was into things she was not. My issue is this.

What HAPPENED TO the GIRL CODE she is supposed to live by?

I wanted to go to the pub to watch the games this weekend.
But after all this, I did not want to approached with
questions about any of this be either his ex or him. It
puts both her ( BFF ) and I in a possible uncomfortable
situation. I know if he has the chance to throw it into
his ex's face that he had plans to go out with my BFF, he will.
That is just a easy stab waiting to happen.

And how she reacts to this is my guess. I have no idea.
My bff should have called her and asked her if she would
mind. That is what I would have done if I had even the least
thought of pursuing even a friendship closer than it is now.

But....whatever....

reminds me of the third degree my BFF gave another friend of ours
when she learned that our friend used to be friends with her
ex husband when he was married before he met her Years ago.
Maybe neighbors....cookouts...watching football games together
as couples...or the kids playing together when they were young.
Normal stuff. Nothing to be bent out of place about. She just
wanted to know why she was not told about this previous
relationship when we first started hanging out? Both these
girls have been married multiple times and are single now.
two husbands ago for our friend and one husband ago for BFF.
I think her having this conversation was silly....and has put some
distance between all three of us. And I really adore that
girl....I adore both of them.

Just not into this girl code thing...the rules seem to
change to suit her as time goes by. I wish she had never
brought it up. Wish she had never had that conversation
in the first place. I honestly now feel that the only reason
we did is she could tell that guy she had only dated once was
a little into me and she wanted to make sure I would not cross
a line. Although I am married....maybe it was her way to
see just exactly what type of friend I am, a person I am...
what ever. When in fact, knowing all this now only makes
me wonder what type of person is she?

I hope this blows over fast. I am sick of hearing about it.
I feel very uncomfortable hearing her talk about what this
ex has said about his ex wife. I really like her. I want
nothing to do with this. Nothing.

This is not me.

This is her.

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