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2015-01-06 09:52:50 (UTC)

I'm finding a way to forget everything that I know.

So today I hold my hand out and ask for help. It's just gone half 9, I have an appointment at half 10. I've been awake for about 28 hours now and honestly, I'm tempted to say fuck it and just go to bed. I'm not entirely sure if that's down to anxiety - having to hold my hand out to a complete stranger and convince him to place a note in my hand that allows me to waste my money on drugs.

I guess it'll be a good thing, getting help. Maybe I'll actually care enough to do things that interest me. That is of course, if I actually start finding things interesting.

I guess if this fails I go back to the spirit molecule.

My best friend is a man, with a lab coat and a grin. I hold my shaking hand and he gives me medicine. It almost makes me feel at home, but they slowly steal my soul. I tell him I still feel alone; "Don't worry someday I promise you will feel whole".