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2014-12-28 08:11:18 (UTC)

No reasons left to believe.

I feel like I've said this before, but I feel like I've hit bottom.

You're seeing someone, at first I felt my heart sink, it felt like I lost a part of myself. I was already thinking and dreaming about you, but seeing you with him. I felt like you honestly cut out my heart.

After the initial pain had passed I started thinking that it was a good thing. I started telling myself, now that I've seen you with someone, that you have moved on, it would allow me to move on.

A few days later and suddenly I find myself with 3 days off over Christmas. At first I couldn't wait for these days off, I couldn't wait to see my friends and enjoy myself for a change.

I don't think I spent longer than an hour sober through the 3 days. I can't stand the thought of you and him. I can't believe that it's actually happened. I feel like my life has just ended.

I don't do anything anymore, I've come to a complete halt over you. All I do is think about you and the memories of you and I. How we spent Christmas together, how we spent New Year's together.

I just don't see the point in doing anything, I feel completely helpless over you. I miss you so much. I miss holding your hand.

So tell me again now, what am I feeling? You know me so well. So what am I feeling and how can you tell? I've got a feeling, you don't know.