Screened In Porch

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2014-11-09 10:35:03 (UTC)

Broken promises already

On my journey out of the house today to look for some houses to
hopefully list...I stopped into the HHgregg store to compare
prices on some of the appliances that we had saw last week.
I could not wait to tell him that how much we could save. Almost
1200 bucks in all. He was surprised the prices were so different.

So when I brought up the remodeling again, I noticed him rolling
his eyes. He did not think I saw it. But I did. I can tell
that he is not ever going to begin it. He said something about
my nagging will not get it done any quicker. Now, I know I have
not been nagging. There is a big difference between nagging
and looking forward to something. A big difference.

One thing I do recall mentioning years ago to him that I was not
staying here in this situation. Him agreeing to update this
place changed my mind about pushing to sell it to buy something
else. That was the plan.

Today only reminded me of those times years ago when I would
suggest that we make some time for sex, and he would say
after while....or tomorrow or in a bit.....and none of those
times would ever come. I know this talk of updates is only
the same damn thing.

Today I only suggested that he do the kitchen and tv area first
so he would have a place to sit and watch tv when he was
resting or at night...then he could start turning his den
into his bedroom and nothing in his routine would have to
be interrupted. All he got out of that was I just want
those new appliances.

Who would not want new appliances. I have one burner that works
once and a while on our range....our refrigerator causes lettace
to age instead of stay fresh....it is disgusting and frustrating
to try to cook. Sure, I want appliances. But it is time to
update.

Then again, maybe it is time to update some things that he and
I am not even talking about.....I can still get the fuck
out of here, get my own damn appliances and rent a place to
live...and he can stay here in the dump and wallow in his
lies.

I can understand if he does not feel like doing it. We discussed
that. If that is the case, then we could hire someone to do
stuff as we go and just do one thing at a time. I am the one
saving the money now. I am the one who would be paying for
any labor....but no, he has said over and over that he does
not want anyone else doing the work but him.

So it looks like I am in for another big disappointment here.
I really did not want to make arrangements to leave. But
I have my own money, I have money coming in too, and what is
in our account is half mine. So, I could just go.

I have already told my daughter that we were not celebrating
the holidays here. It was because I was under the impression
from his many times saying so that we would be in
remodeling stage. He did mention that he would invite
his brother here if we cooked for thanksgiving.....

My husband does not seem to give much of a shit for anything
or anyone but his brother...which is ok. I am ok with that.
Not offended. But I am his wife. We are supposed to be
a team. Plan things together. So, in fact, I never know
what he is planning....a dinner...inviting people...what
is he cooking...I have stopped going to the grocery store
because I can stop in to pick up a few things, get home
to learn that he has already done it. And nothing last
long in our refrigerator so that is a waste of money.

I am sick of this shit.

So sick of it.

We got a response from the agent about the offer....she
suggested that we come in at 600k if we wanted the whole
thing. She is claiming to have other offers. But the
other buyers did not want the whole thing. So, I told
my buyer and he is thinking about offering 580k, just
hope he does not wait to long. My guy wants to move into
a house before the end of the year and with his budget,
it can happen. SO that along will be a big chuck
of change for me to put away.

I am not paying for any of this shit out of my personal
account, but if he is not going to use our funds to
do some updates, then I will not be putting money into
those funds. I will need my own funds to get the
fuck out of here and make sure I have enough money
to make it a few years on my own.

Only thing is.....no beach trip. There is no way I could
afford living at the beach. I am going to have to keep my
eye out on a rental that is in a nice place.....get the
funds ready to make my move.

I do not nag. And I do not appreciate the constant
disappointments going on here all the time.
Year after year....

I took care of him....like a nurse....drove his ass around
for two years putting my life on hold......

We have both discussed this shit.....not just me. My plan
was changed by him when he decided to do it his way.

Apparently his way is never.

Just another broken promise. Why in the hell did I expect
any less?

I have not had sex in 12 years now.

that is just wrong too.


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