Screened In Porch

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2014-09-15 19:34:50 (UTC)

Monday Maybe never....


After a good night and feeling excited about today, the
phone started ringing this morning before I even crawled
out of be to bust one bubble after another. Whatever...
I am almost getting use to it.

So, like most days, I got up, drank a cup of coffee and
crawled back into bed with my laptop. I know that staying
in bed all day and all night awake or not is not the best
thing, but still waiting for this place to be updated so
I can replace uncomfortable seating and one day hope to
start living what you would refer too as a normal life.

For me, I am not sure what that means anymore. I think
I have noticed that my mattress is what has caused my
back to hurt. It is sinking on one side, the side I
sit on....the most. When I changed sides rearranging
everything I had set up, I felt like I was on a hill.

Maybe a new mattress is in my future. Maybe one of those
that has a remote that allows you to sit up kinda like
in a hospital bed. Holy cow...it has come to that.

Whatever...it is what it is.

The only good news today was the boss is attending my
my daughters closing so tomorrow she will be rewarded
with a big fat check. Biggest one of her career. I
hope she handles her money well, cause I will not be
able to help her out since I will be taking care of
my own needs for awhile. Somebody has to do it,
right? Looks like that someone is me.

I was trying to keep myself busy since by browsing
some things on the net. From our local newspaper
site, I clicked on this link that told about this new
weight loss pill. Started reading about it and realized
that I had a bottle of that crap sitting on the bedside
table. I was so excited, I picked it up and compared
the name, the label, holy cow, it is it. I have that
pill. Almost a whole darn bottle of it. I paid
enough for it, and from what I read and from what
I recall when I was taking it, it does work. So,
that is a good thing...to locate information about
a weight loss pill that actually works and then realize
you have a whole bottle in your hand. Since I have
a cold fresh bottle of water from the frig, I just took
one out and took it right away. Finally, I have spent
money on something that works.

I can try again to lose more weight...stay on this
crazy ass salad, lots of salad diet and maybe lost
weight for real. All while letting my hair grow
back out. Hoping for healthier hair too. Or I will
become one of those old ladies who go to the beauty
shop once a week, get their hair set and sprayed down
with industrial strength hairspray and do not comb it
or anything for that week. Is that me? HELL NO,
that an't me. Even Joan Rivers in her 80's till the
day she passed away had good hair. Was it hers? Was
it a wig? WHO CARES? It was good looking hair.
If you buy it, it is yours? Right? Hell yeah, RIGHT!!

I have always been known for my hair. Sometimes, hated
by catty women for my good looking locks. LOL I used
to let that stuff bother me, but NOT ANYMORE....

I will tell them to go fuck themselves in a heartbeat.
FUCK YOU BITCH....not my fault God loves some people more
than others....get right with GOD! LOL

I have lots of clothes ready to get into as I get smaller...
good clothes. I do not throw away or donate the good stuff.
HELL NO....I keep it.

My attempt to stop smoking did not last long. My stressful
life...this career, the ups and downs, my friend not
feeling so good...all that rolled into a big wall of
hell no, you can not stop smoking just yet. Get my
shit together first.

This bad hair cut....waiting on it to grow out. Talking
myself out of committing murder to the hairdresser responsible
for it, although she did just what I asked. I figure if I
kill her, I would have to kill myself too. Not happening.

Just went back to the other hair dresser who talked me out
of having it cut even shorter. She took the time to show
me how to style it myself while it grows out some. One step
at a time. And I do recall that taking this pill, the magic
diet pill, my hair grew fast. So, learning about it and
realizing that I have it all at the same moment is a
meant to be thing. A rescue if you will from a higher
power who sent me the answer and pointed me into the
right direction. You have to believe in yourself. You
have to keep on the right road to that place you desire
to be. Me? I want to weigh less not for vane reasons,
but for health reasons. I want to be able to walk again
without worry of hurting myself or being out of breathe.
Yes, I will quit smoking. Do not even send me a reply
saying that is the problem. I am the damn problem.
I know that. ME and nothing else, no one else, I am
the damn problem.

But slowly I am pulling myself out of this. I am not
giving up on myself.

I will have enough money to spend a couple months at the
beach at the end of the year...which is soon. I have already
counted my money...and as far as I can tell, all I need
to do is get a new mattress....make my reservations...
and by then, all my closings will be over and done with..
I will be drawing a little social security to live on..
and I am out of here.

This town may not see me again until spring time.
Maybe never if I get lucky.

Maybe never

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