Jaeu

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2014-06-07 16:22:05 (UTC)

I could be there for you.

Just gone 5pm, meeting pretty much everyone for a drink at 6. It's going to be a late one.

I had yesterday off work, I spent the day stoned because nothing was going on. I woke up, found out nothing was going on and got stoned. Yesterday was not a very productive day.

I'm not looking forward to my week off soon, I expect that it'll be a week I spend stoned, or drunk. There's a few plans I've already made but I really don't like time off anymore.

I'm sure I've wrote about this before; I remember when I used to hate work, school, anything that took up my free time. That was back when I didn't even have that many friends.

Now I'm literally the person everyone goes through in order to find out what's going on over the weekend and I'd honestly rather work 7 days a week. One of the reasons we split up, you hated that I only worked a few days a week. Now look at me.

I have this weird thought flowing through my head that's filling me with so much emotion and I really don't get why, I guess I'm feeling everything related to it all at once, overwhelming.

The house I'm currently living in was put on the market about a week ago. It's not a great house, half the walls don't even have paint/wallpaper on them, plaster clearly visible. It's a doer-upper?

We had 2 viewings, offer on the house which has been taken (by the sounds of things).

I'm not too sure what this means for me and where I'm going to live. I wouldn't say it's a worrying thought, in reality the only thought that's going through my head is when I told my ex after we broke up that she'll always have a home here.

I don't even know why that is having such an impact on me, we don't even talk, I'd almost go as far as saying I dislike her for what she's doing. In her head, however, I'm sure she's doing it for the best which is why I could never hate her and if she came to me with no where to live, I'd always open the door with open arms.

Well I can't do that now, can I? Fuck, it may as well be me running to her saying the same thing, not that she's open the door.

So anyway, I was meant to be moving in with KS (one of the people I went to the festival with) and the guy I'm currently putting up, NB. The only problem with this is the bird, KS, is depressing as fuck and all she did all festival was moan. I know, I know, I too am depressing as fuck but not at a festival, hell I try and keep how I feel not so visible to the naked eye. Unless I've had a few too many to drink...

NB is sound, really good mate. We want different areas though, so I really don't think it's going to work.

This leaves me with two options. Find my own little place, a few of my mates currently live in little shitholes, 1 bed/front room, kitchen, bathroom and pay through the roof for them. I couldn't imagine anything more depressing than living like that though, or I guess I used to. I'm kind of thinking it might be good for me.

I can't function alone, I'm sure living alone would drive me insanely depressed but honestly, I really think it might just make me feel better about everything.

I guess the only problem with that is where the fuck I'm going to put all my shit.


Nothing leads me to you.

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