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2014-06-02 03:57:18 (UTC)

I've had my fingers crossed for so long I've forgot how to feel.

I know I literally just posted, but fuck it, I'm in the mood for typing.

People make it look so easy when they start dating, the whole; one minute that don't know each other, the next they're like, soul mates.

I don't get it, I meet enough people in random bars or pubs, I guess I just don't make an impression. Although saying that, maybe I make too much of an impression. I mean, I have my throat tattooed, I have sleeves and honestly, the majority of my skin is tattooed.

Maybe people see me now and just, don't want to go near me.

I wish I just understood more, like, females mainly, or is it even females I'd want to understand? I guess thinking about it, it's more psychology. How people work, how their minds and bodies work.

Although saying that I don't know if that'd even help. I find reading people quiet easy and honestly, people are easily read.

I know it goes deeper than that, I don't think I'd trust myself knowing how to work people. I feel like I'm doing pretty well at telling people what they want to her and making things happen based on them thinking it was their idea to do something I want them to do.

I guess all this comes down to being alone and wanting to know how I can make it easier to find someone. The problem is that I already know how to find someone, I've already met multiple people that I'd love to just, start seeing tomorrow.

Is it wrong that I sometimes wish that the world was fucked and basically everyone had perished? That the only survivors are a few of us including me?

How about when driving somewhere and you're the passenger in the front seat, wishing, looking vigorously out of the window at the surrounding vehicles hoping, wishing that one has missed the red light and is driving straight at you?

I find myself constantly wanting something I can't have, GM, BV, a vehicle hitting the side of the vehicle I'm in killing me and only me.

I guess that's selfish, maybe I just don't give two shits anymore.

Don't lose yourself in dreams where you can run away from me.