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2014-04-05 06:02:44 (UTC)

You're gone and I've gotta stay high all the time to keep you off my mind.

I find it hard to keep you off my mind, my surroundings are changing yet again and you're my anchor that's lost at sea.

I try and better myself, I'm trying to improve my life without you in it, but I'm finding it so difficult.

I miss you, I really do.

I realise I do this after a break up, if you can even call this a break up seeing as we actually broke up over a year ago.

I guess I never sorted out how I felt, or what was going on. Instead I ended up landing a dream job and really pushing myself into that without thought of anything else.

Yet here I sit, my jobs going well, I love it. It's just every other aspect of my existence that's lacking.

Our hours will be increasing soon, we'll be working 6 days a week too. The sooner the better I say.

More money is always a plus, but what's the point in having all this money when I don't even need it, you know?

People say that money doesn't bring happiness and I think that's complete bullshit. I'd be just as fucking miserable even if I was skint.

The only difference now is that when I get in this depressed state I have the money to blow on utter shit to make myself feel better and eventually, if I ever sort my fucked up head up, I'll be able to live comfortably.

When I said that my surroundings are changing again, a really good friend that I've made at work will be leaving us at the end of the month and honestly, I probably won't see him again.

Not to mention the rest of the people at work I really get along with have moved to days, except one.

I'm starting to really look around at my life, you know? Almost as if I'm there, right in the middle of it all and I'm looking at myself from above, at everything around me, my work life, my social life, my friends, everything.

I can't really make much of it out, I mean I see my friends and the people at work enjoying their existence, laughing and getting on with their lives, but they've moving so fast everything is blurry.

I'm standing in the middle, moving so slowly, looking around trying to understand my surroundings, but everything is moving at double, if not triple speed. Everything is blurry and I'm just, I'm alone.

I'm alone in a world full of things that I love, full of people that I care about, I'm totally fucking alone.

Can't go home alone again, need someone to numb the pain.