rainy
My heart in a knot
Trust.
So today sean came over and we watched a few movies, made and ate tacos and talked. I was right, having him here really distracted me from my problems. I have to re-learn how to warm up to him though, I honestly didn't feel 100 percent comfortable with him and there are a lot of things I wanted to say but didn't. I honestly don't think our relationship will ever be the same.
He did however show me some old photos he took of me one night a few years ago, there are very few photos of me in which I am not both the photographer and the subject so it made me feel nice.
After he left it was a huge reminder of how lonely I am. I think I've just gotten so use to it that when I actually have physical contact with people I'm more overwhelmed with it. At least I didn't lock myself out this time. I was also reminded of how much trust we put in people who we choose to hang around, people are a lot more venerable then they think.
I was also reminded that I really need more people in my life, we had gone to the grocery store to pick up the ingredients for the tacos and I realized how different the atmosphere felt when I was actually with someone. I felt like someone else.
Well there isn't much else to write about and I'm just short for words right now.
Hopefully I'll start to feel better after making a green juice tomorrow.
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