Marlon Brazilian

Somewhere in Brazil
2014-03-05 23:21:15 (UTC)

So worried and I don't know.

I woke up late, as usual. I just fucking hate how I always end up waking up really late, since I moved here I haven't woke up earlier than 9:30 am. It feels like I'm more likely to feel sleepy here than when I lived with my grandparents. My mother woke me up and asked me to go to the kitchen and take care of the food that was being prepared.

We had lunch and spent the afternoon at home. My mother had dentist at 4 pm so she left at 3 because she also wanted to visit a friend that is sick. My sister spent the afternoon watching TV (she's obssesed with that) and I spent my time on the internet (yeah I'm obssesed with internet ha) My mother came back home at 5:30 pm which was good because my sister asked me if we could go to the playgroung and I didnt want to leave the phone alone at home because that guy from the supermarket is suppossed to call me this week and I need to talk to him about my job anyway, I ended up going to the playgrung with Isabelli, she played a lot, she really enjoys me being around and playing with me.

After we got home from the playground/square my aunt called us up. I talked to her, she sais that my step grandfather is worse, she said he can barely eat and they dont know how longer he will be able to walk or take bath and eat on his own, that's why he's still in the hospital going through so many tests and exams. God, I am so worried, I think about him everyday like all day. I remember seeing him sitting on that chair and me waving goodbye, I wonder if that was one of that last moments that we share with someone. I can1t believe his disease got so serious so fast, one year ago he was alright and now there he is, in that hospital. I worry a lot about him. I even brought up the idea of going back to live with them and help him, but well I don't know if there is something that I can do for him, because I would have to work anyway so I wouldnt have much time for him, I dont know. I dreamed about him like 2 nigths ago, I even cried in the dream. People are right when they say I'm a sensible person, I feel so sorry for him. You know, I know he used to think I was a futile boy and stuff, but that doesnt fucking matter... I always judged that I wasnt very close to him and that I wouldnt miss or care very mich about him but look at me now, I'm freaking worried and crying. Why is life like that? I wish I could heal him and make everything like it was a few years ago when it was only me, my grandmother and him living alone there, when my biggest problem was to study for the math test. I dont really know, I'm just feeling so down, worried, it feels like I'm tied up.


My mother talked about me getting a job and she's so right, I really need to do something other than sleep and surf the web, through a job I'll meet people, make new friends, start a new social life you know, I really need this. College? Oh no, I dont fucking feel like studying right now.

Oh well, that's it, I only hope that the doctor can find a good medicine for my step grandfather, a medicine that will stop him from being paralized...


Marlon, Somewhere in Brazil.





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