rainy

My heart in a knot
2014-02-19 22:09:57 (UTC)

Guilty (again)

So I haven't really been writing about this much in here because I'm trying not to write about things I know I'm just going to regret later on.


But I've been talking more to witness girl, trying to get to know her and everything. Well things got turbulent on my end at one point. And today is the first time that I've realized what I've done. Basically I've tried to "force" my way into her life, then when she wanted to stop talking to me I became upset and said some terrible things...after a day she started talking to me again but now I'm starting to feel even more guilty because not only is she extremely intelligent but she is very kind...


I feel like such a horrible person, this has to be karma. I really cannot face myself right now, I feel like the biggest loser (and not like the TV show).


I don't know how I'm going to fix this, I'm starting to think the best thing to do right now is to just quit while I'm ahead, it's possible I can get myself out of this mess but it's going to take some clever thinking and lately I haven't been thinking things through otherwise I wouldn't be in this situation.


I'd start from the beginning and explain all the things I had been thinking and how it came to this point but I think I'll save that for another time.


Right now I'm just satisfied with the fact that I'm not trying to have a conversation with her right now, although she seems to like our conversations I do ask a lot of questions and I haven't been as equally kind to her as she has to me, especially given the situation.


Right now I'm finally up to date with my assignments. Unfortunately I got another one of those teachers who does things at the last minute or can't seem to figure out the system, she has only graded 2 sections of work, she is behind by 4 sections, a test, and 2 assignments that need to be graded. The problem is that in the system the grades are not automatic because the questions are free response, so they require a teacher to actually look at the response and grade it. It's very tedious.


I also ran into a problem at the bank. They can't do my taxes for free like they've been doing every year, it seems the problem has to do with the fact that I got some type of adjustment from being in school. I'm not going to stress about it though, I'm going to just find another place to get them done. I'll be ok.

There doesn't seem to be much positive things for me to write about... well it is getting warmer, today the house temperature reached 71 degrees! this is a huge relief because it means we can turn the thermostat down and hopefully off completely for the next few months, like I wrote before when we have to run the heating system our electricity bill is around $300-$400 which is crazy. So I'll be very excited to see it come down to around $60 or so.


I haven't put an any job applications yet, mostly because I wanted to focus on my academic work and now that I'm up to date with things I think I'll put in a few tomorrow. I have the next two days to myself, except for class on Friday. Saturday I go to work for the first time this week...I'm only working 6 hours. It's not as bad as I thought it would be, I'll still be making a little money plus once we can get this electricity bill down to normal I won't need to worry about finances as much.


We started the chapter on stress, I haven't gotten as deep into it as I had hoped but as soon as I do I'll come write a little about it.





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