rainy

My heart in a knot
2014-02-11 18:53:19 (UTC)

Stress relief

In the light of me talking about psychological concepts I thought it would good for me to list a few of the things that would greatly improve my life and take a lot of the stress off of my shoulders and off of my mind.


1. Finding a job (career) that paid enough so that I could live on my own and provide for myself without worry.


2. My relationship with my sister and her getting rid of this crazy guy she is dating. I know I write very negatively about her a lot but I just can't understand her sometimes, for example today she took a bag of trash outside to put in the bin, we have 2 bins, one is full to the max and the other is fairly empty, well today my sister decided to put that big bag of trash in the bin that is already full (now the top is open) instead of putting it in the other bin that is empty. Yes that highly annoys me, and no I don't think it's me being neurotic, I just get angry because she never seems to use common sense (just like in her choice of friends and criminal boyfriends)


3. Having enough food to eat and a safe place to live.


4. Finding love and starting a family


5. Finding a good group of friends to start lasting relationships with.


6. Getting out of school and being done with my degree (including grad school, which I have yet to start)

7. Finding happiness and inner peace.

Ok.. now those are just a few things that I think if I could obtain would make my life 100 percent better. However I know that it's not realistic and that life is not meant to run smoothly but I feel like I should be able to get these simple things.

Anyway, I'm going to change the subject now to continue what I was writing about last night. A guy who goes to my university died yesterday, the news doesn't yet know why but I found his facebook page and noticed a few different things. For starters this was a very sudden thing, he had just made a post on his page about things going on in his life, even though he apparently was sick with some type of stomach virus.


He was also very popular. I'm sure his family and friend are taking it very hard because he was so young.


Now I'm no doctor or expert but I don't doubt what ever the reason for his sudden death I'm sure his weight played a role, I'm also considering the issue might be with some outside source, for instance some people have died of carbon monoxide poisoning without knowing it, there are a lot of other particles that can be deadly and I'm hoping that they do a complete investigation to rule out any possible poisons that could be on campus. I personally never drink from the water fountains on campus because a majority of them look very outdated.


Based on his page he seemed to have a lot of ambitions and goals, but most importantly I saw a large majority of people "sending prayers". This reminded me of my entry on Religion, I'm aware that religion provides people with a way to cope with things like this, people seem to need something to believe in. It made me feel guilty for "disliking" witness girls religious choices and beliefs. In fact I've been thinking a lot about how I reacted and the strong emotions I felt at the time.


She and I are actually alike in many ways and I don't doubt her religious background has shaped her into who she is today, so I felt guilty for placing her in this "different" category. My opinions about that belief are still the same, however I now see how I reacted emotionally had a lot more to do with me then her beliefs.


I also couldn't help but to contrast his desire to live along with other people's desires to die. It's strange because some people really enjoy their lives while other people don't.


I also learned a new word today "hindsight bias" or the I knew it all along effect. I'm very much guilty of it, I often try to form theories based on observation alone and sometimes I'm write and sometimes I'm wrong... either way I'm working on the scientific method more so forgive me if I write something completely wrong. I will elaborate more on that when I write my "Homosexuality theory part 2" post.


Lately I've been feeling less alone in my pains, and I've been wanting to reach out more to people despite my fears. Sometimes it just seems like everyone around me is so happy, and it's not that I'm depressed, my problem is that I'm a highly sensitive person and I feel things too deeply.


I wrote about being a highly sensitive person before but I don't think I dedicated an entry to it, so I think I'd like to do that in the future, right now I'm going to post a quote about highly sensitive people:

" They are more personally affected by others’ emotions: Thus, they find it hard to detach themselves, or throw off the feelings and heartache of others. Instead, they tend to absorb anger, pain and distress when others around them are experiencing these. "

This is one of the problems I've always had, ever since I was a child I couldn't stand seeing others in pain even though I had a lot of anger myself. Today I cannot stand to hear women screaming or animals being hurt, it's like I feel it deep within me. Even through the news when I read these horror stories of things people have done to other people, I feel the pain, I absorb the sorrow, it's like their story becomes my own. This is why I have so much fear and sadness, although I come across as introverted I truly am not, I'm just deeply afraid.


This is the biggest problem with being a highly sensitive person, I haven't met any other highly sensitive people, or maybe I just have an extreme case. I don't doubt that I come across as very sensitive to people because I always notice people going out of their way not to hurt my feelings.


I've been trying to be less sensitive, but sometimes I still cry over little things, like when people express love for other people. Don't get me wrong, I have a tough side but it's like yin and yang.

Anyway... yesterday I forgot to write that I went to get my taxes done, and that my statistics book still hasn't arrived so now I'm going through the daunting process of trying to get a refund. I have at least ordered a new book which should arrive soon.


I went grocery shopping yesterday and also got some berries which have antioxidants and other nutritious things. I made a shake today with berries (blue, black, raspberry), apple, banana, ginger, kale, spinach, and green tea. Needless to say the chest pains (from stress) that I was feeling have disappeared almost completely. I'm going to try to go to sleep early tonight so that I can get some deep sleep, it's almost 8 now, I hope to fall asleep by 8:30 but it's not very realistic so I'll just follow my body.

For my statistics class the teacher is allowing our first test to be take-home, I've been able to get the concepts down however it's little mistakes that mess me up in math so any extra time to look over it will benefit me.


Tomorrow will be my first test for Psychology of development, my goal is 100 percent, but who knows.. I just want to keep my GPA at 4.0 because it looks good on my transcript and the university I want to get into is very hard to get in. Speaking of which I still haven't done anything to make myself stand out from the crowd. I haven't had any motivation to get involved with anything or change my old habits of sitting at home all day. Hopefully when spring rolls around I'll find some motivation.

Valentines day is in two days, all I really want is a big hug from someone... I have class in the morning then I'll go to work the afternoon and be home by 6. There are a lot of single people in the world.

Oh yea.. I wanted to write an entry about the survival of the species, based off a youtube comment I read a few months ago and society. I hope I get around to writing that entry soon.


I actually have a lot of entries that I have yet to write..




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