LustingforNightmares

tumbleweed
2013-12-14 11:36:38 (UTC)

Waking Into The Past


I feel as if I opened my eyes and found myself in my past. I left a dream, not a nightmare, for reality. It smelled like Grandma's house in the morning as she was making breakfast, and there's the voices coming from the radio in kitchen, NPR. That reminds me of my childhood. My parents always turn on the radio in he mornings when they work around the house.

I'm home, grandma is 3000 miles away, but still. IDK.

I have peppermint perfume for the first time in a couple years. It smells like seventh grade.

Tomorrow we're leaving. Road trip. This summer, we drove up to maine and back (when I was fatty mcfat cakes), and now we're going all the way down the east coast to Miami, Florida. We're spending four days in Washington D.C.

There's snow outside. The world is white and innocent.

How could anything be better?

Everything feels bright and clean. I feel like a child.

I think me and Pat are getting somewhere (for da bajillionth time, she's my therapist). Apparently I talk a lot about that outsider feeling I get. You know, when you see people who are close to each other, and you're not part of it, not really?

I want to do better.

I'm trying to write more often, too. Too bad I didn't last night, I was very bubbly instead of being so... I'm gonna call it floaty because I'm just so at peace. I guess those last cuts really helped me. I know my role.

I never wanna cut again, though. I've started feeling a shame for it that I never had before. I feel weak thinking about it and disappointed in myself. I kind of feel like I deserve better than that. And I'm trying not to be so boring. EHHHH.

Well mothah fuckahs, have a very wonderful weekend. Weekend, weakened.... LOL.

Shit, I really wish I could rant right now, but I realllly don't want to (THAT MADE SENSE OK) so adios.

Oh ya and I'm working on my espanol porque estoy super bad at it.

Otraves, adios, urm... I'll write in spanish next time, ok? ok.


I'M HAPPY.




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