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2013-11-13 03:57:53 (UTC)

I can't take it.

So since the last time I wrote I spoke to my ex a few more times. We talked things through and I basically told her kind of how I feel, accept I didn't tell her how I feel about her.

I rang her again today and we talked for a bit, and then she told me she's met some guy and they have their first date on Friday.

I feel pretty shit about the whole thing. Mainly because of the things you said. She said that she feels like he already knows her so well, but the downside is that he likes to pay for everything. You went on saying that he said if they end up getting together, that he wouldn't let you pay for anything, or buy cheap clothes.

All I said to that was that it sounded very fucking familiar.

For some reason, you're happy to just accept that he's going to pay for everything, sure you hate it, but you can't change him right? You're just going to have to accept that if you guys do end up together, that you won't shop in cheaper stores and you'll just have to buy expensive clothing, right?

Fuck you.

I paid for everything when we were together, sure you put in your way, but I didn't mind, I made more money than you. I told you to stop buying cheap shit clothes because guess what? They're shit and fall apart.

Apparently all the things you hated about me, suddenly you're okay with, as long as it's not with me, right?

I have no idea why, but I was actually going to tell you that on the weekend I ended up saying to a friend, one of our fucking friends that we may as well sleep together. We're both single and want sex, so fuck it right? Why did I even think about telling you that?

The main problem here, I can see her getting attached to me. That's not a problem right? Yeah, it is. I feel nothing for this girl and I'm also not attracted to her in the slightest way.

We're meeting on Saturday and having a few drinks, then I'm guessing it'll be back to mine. I have to remember that this is purely sex because I'm sure after I feel the comfort of having someone there, I'll end up asking her to stay or something.

On the same mind-set, I don't really want to fuck her and then tell her to get out, but that's what this is. This is going to be purely sex from my point of view.

As long as you don't cloud my fucking mind with your bullshit date and happy families, we're golden. Unfortunately I can see that happening though.

I don't understand what's wrong with me. Why I can't seem to get over ex's until literally 4/5 years pass.

I've got no where to go.