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2013-08-19 08:03:04 (UTC)

It's okay I'm dead.

I think I'm going to start writing here again. So much has changed since I last wrote or even thought about writing here so I'm not really sure where to start.

I guess it's been established going over my past entries that this is one big ball of depressing thoughts and feelings, which still holds true :3.

But lets catch up; I'm no longer engaged or in a relationship, I no longer work in a shit dead end retail job and I can honestly say my feelings haven't changed. I'm still the same fuck up who's slowly eating away at his heartbroken soul.

So lets go into more detail here, not much more but yeah; So me and Suz broke up in November last year, we were no longer happy. I honestly think that's all I can say about this, we ended up not talking as I said in the last shit I wrote here for a long time, but we're now talking again which I guess is nice? Although as mentioned before, I can't seem to let go, I don't really know how I can honestly go from like, being engaged to someone and having them be a massive part of my world and life to just being friends that see each other once every few months. I just can't transition into that.

I work at a games company as a QA tester which is fucking amazing. Like, honestly he best job in the world, it's a work hard play hard environment that I actually look forward to waking up for.

I guess the problem and reason I find myself adding to this ball of destruction is because although the above sounds good, I feel like utter shit most days. Who'd of thought that you find the perfect job, the job you're been studying for, working yourself towards for the longest of time to find yourself wishing that the car that's about to drive past doesn't see you and instead full-on fucks you.

The best part of all of this, I find myself falling for someone who apparently doesn't feel the same way, but did when me and Suz were together. This unnamed girl and I went out yesterday and for some reason we got talking about how she's feeling. She apparently feels the same way as me, complete shit and finds herself not giving a shit about anything. All I can say to this is welcome to the last 10 years of my life.

I am so lost.