rainy

My heart in a knot
2013-07-09 22:43:00 (UTC)

Not ok...

So I think today I hit a hard reality about myself. That reality is that I'm not as ok and fine as I felt I was. I realized that I'm still very much the broken little girl who can't seem to find her way. Not to say I'm not continuing to make progress because I am, but recent events showed me that I'm still not the person I want to be.


I was chatting with someone online for a short while, I guess you could call it a potential romance connection...well it didn't go well... but I'm the one who ended it..


Well turns out this person was really amazing...(although superficial).. very romantic with a big heart... I realized that they have had a pretty good life (at least compared to me), I realized that that balance of being raised correctly helps tremendously in creating successful adult relationships, which is something I ultimately fail at time and time again. Many psychologist propose that early childhood experiences will affect the quality of life as an adult for a child... for instance the ability to delay gratification.


I wish desperately as a child someone would of noticed I was suffering and helped me... not just providing me with food and shelter.. but being more proactive in my development... now please don't take that the wrong way... I'm not saying that in a way to imply I'm more special then anyone else, I'm just saying I think all children should be able to reach their full potential... when I read back over my writings I see that my life is miserable! when people give me feedback sometimes I feel embarrassed that I have these problems at all, I just desire to be normal and have a average life. This is why I believe in abortion... because I was not a child anyone wanted and today I suffer because of that.

Anyway... here I am writing about depressing things again.. I wish I could write more about this person but I just don't know yet....

until next time..




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