rainy

My heart in a knot
2013-03-22 21:50:19 (UTC)

Poor.

So I just got finished watching a movie with rich people in it, and it made me realize that I may live my entire life in poverty.


I just don't think it's fair. I badly want nice things, I want to be able to afford to buy extra food and not have to stick with such a tight budget. I want to be able to afford to go to the doctor when I'm sick or concerned about something. I'm sick of standing around on my feet the entire day and having to put a fake smile on my face because I need the money.

I don't know what to do, it's like there are no options...what is it that I need to do to get out of poverty?


At the moment here's how I feel: I might be destined to be in poverty the rest of my life, even with my degree, and even if I can get a better paying job, it seems to be more of society then me, even though I try. So why do I deprive myself of the family I want because I'm poor? I read a statistic the other day that said for women who are my age and who have successful careers it's better to not be married, but for women in situations like mines it's better to be married and not being married is having a negative affect on me.


It's just not fair. I'm tired of being poor. Nothings fun about poverty...I know it could be worst, but my way of looking at things is not by looking down at others in worst situations, I just want to improve, but how? I see women 40-80 years old still poor... is it them? did they simply lack the motivation?

Everyone's heard a story of someone born poor but with hard work and determination was able to make millions, some don't even need a college degree. But you know what? they were given something, somewhere in their lives that they had access to something great, you often find many of these people even though they don't have a degree were able to get good educations in successful schools.

It's not entirely genetics... so I'm not saying I don't have the genes for intelligence, or the genes for success... I mean I might have them, but I wish I could turn them on.

It just seems like everyone around me is poor. I work with a woman and it just looks like poverty has taken a hold of her and she can't escape.


I think I'm also feeling this way because today at my job some students from one of the top universities in the US came to buy some things, they looked so healthy. I mean I hope that doesn't sound weird, but that was my first impression, they looked healthy, happy, and intelligent, like they are going to be the next leaders of this country... and I felt small... I mean, smaller then I already am in a figurative way. The 3 years I've worked at that store there have only been 2 students from top universities who have come there to work, and they only work during the summer and never came back.

In fact at all the jobs I've held none of my co-workers were from top universities or were highly intelligent, and I know that's subjective, and I don't want it to sound the wrong way, but they were all poor.. I sometimes wonder do those students even work, or maybe they are secured the good jobs, the jobs I dream of having. It's all about networking, and if you go to a top university then you can network and get connections... me however, I work with other poor people, nobody with high intelligence and social status has tried to date me and I don't even have the confidence to speak to them.

It's always awkward for me when they come to my job, I see them and the way they talk and dress, they appear well kept, and they are painfully nice. Maybe that's why they are successful. I imagine when they see me if they wonder "what happened?" .. I try so hard to fit into their mold.. I just don't want to be poor because of all the hardship and heartache it brings. I see the poor people in this area running because they are about to miss the public transportation bus, some are over weight and their clothes don't fit properly..

The kids have a nice park, but is it safe? There is a hierarchy in America.. and I guess in most countries as well.. there are always more poor people then rich or middle class, so I guess given the numbers I would be chosen by some greater force to be in the ranks of the poor. Why can't there be more rich people then poor people??

Some people say money isn't everything... but it makes a huge difference in one's quality of life...education as well.

Now I feel like I'm sounding like a nagging poor person...I think when other poor people or middle class people are out working hard and slaving away they feel offended to see someone else complaining about being poor... but I just don't think it's right so many people live and die poor. And by the way being poor might mean different things to different people, for clarification I mean it in a sense of not having the means to provide for one's self enough food, access to medical care, and affordable safe housing... I'm not talking about material possessions although they are nice and can be beneficial.


Well.. that's it, I guess now I know my situation and maybe it's up to me to try and clime out of this, maybe I have to find the answers within myself to rise out of poverty, I hope I make it.




Ad: