rainy

My heart in a knot
2013-03-21 21:21:59 (UTC)

Nothing..

So I've been feeling a bit annoyed lately, about everything. I think eventually I'll over come it by thinking about things in a different way but who knows.. right now this is how it is.

I still have a "B" in my biology class, however I haven't been doing as well as I'd hoped on the quizzes we've had, I feel like I should be making all 100's but I keep scoring high 80's or 90's, I haven't made below 80 on anything which is a good sign, however considering everything I know I should be getting much better grades then this..

Lately I've also been a bit worried about my health... more so then usual, I think it's because within the year we will have Obamacare and I'm wondering how that will affect me. I haven't visited the doctor in what seems like years, mostly because the last few times I had gone because I felt sick or was worried about something it turned out to be not much and it would cost me tons and I felt I was wasting money more then anything because the doctors never gave me the answers I wanted anyway..

I simply want a health check up at least twice a year, I also want screenings for things that might sneak up on me.. I do my best with my health and since I've started introducing more greens in my diet I've been feeling a bit better, however I do still have fatigue and weakness, mostly in my legs, but I've attributed that to lack of motivation.. of course it could be something serious.... there is also what I thought or could be lyme, I'm still not sure about that.

My cognitive functioning seems to have it's good days and it's bad days.. it seems heavily dependent on the foods I eat so I'm trying so much harder now to get a good balance and insure I'm getting my omega 3's and amino acids. I'm now drinking almond milk instead of soy milk, I think soy milk was causing me problems..of course it might of been the entire vegetarian diet that was the problem.


I like to monitor my cognitive and body functioning every once in a while by doing some type of test... it's difficult because I want to really test myself but I need to test my abilities against other people who are functioning highly.


Oh yea.. on another note, today I was curious again about how much it would cost to raise a baby, and I was blow away at the cost.. it kind of stressed me out because I realize that I've been wanting to wait until I was financially ready to have children or possibly adopt. But it is very costly, especially child care, it's unbelievable.


It made me think of Tasneem... for instance she has two boys and she is a single mom, she also didn't have a job for a while and when she does have a job it's low wage because she doesn't have any education. But you know what? she's surviving.. I looked on a site that gave an range for how much it would cost to raise a child each year and the price was about 17,803 a year, for each child! but there is no way Tasneem brings in that much money so I did some deductions to see how she makes it and I found out that she has to cut some critical things however she makes up for it by getting free housing, food stamps, and public transportation, those things knock out about half the cost of what it takes to raise a child plus she gets a little in child support.

But is it as great as it sounds?? I mean, there seems to be thousands of poor people who are raising children, but is it simply that they have less then richer kids or are they severely disadvantaged in all areas of life??

It seems the most horror stories come from those in poverty. I'm sure Tasneem has had her share of trouble and heartache based on her status..

I don't want to have a child for my child to be poor.. it is apparent that nothing good comes from it, so why do so many people who can barely make it themselves have children?? I write about this topic not too long ago actually, but I can't help to revisit it as I try to understand it. I can't help but to think about all the fears I would have as a poor parent, wondering if my child was in safe hands while I worked.

I work with girls like that... most of them are mothers, it's strange but when I think about their possible financial status and social status I feel bad about the situation, but the truth is most seem to be happy. Of course I know food stamps and things like that help them a huge amount, without those things I think women would try harder to prevent pregnancy.

Now don't get me wrong, I'm not looking down on anyone, I don't even have any problem with teen mothers, however I do think you should have a decent amount of money saved and a good job before trying to raise a child..


So, people raise their children on about $1,300 a year after all the deductions. I want to do a story on how they make it, but most people don't like to put that kind of stuff on display, even though Tasneem did open up to me a little bit on how she survives I think she was holding a lot back.

I however I'm open about my finances, I don't make a lot of money, and honestly if I did I don't think I'd be here writing so much.. Money is important, I don't care what they say.. it's not the most important, but it is important... of course there will always be someone who argues the opposite.. but I think most people want a good quality of life... that entails seeing a doctor when you are sick, and having access to clean safe food and water.. I can't help but to think about the huge amount of immigrants coming to the USA and sometimes I wonder why. We might have the latest technology and doctors, but I feel they are much safer where they are then if they move here.


I also watched some short films on PBS today, they are having a film festival which ends soon, there were some pretty good films there, including one called "Catcam" it was a cute film, however it didn't seem to answer all the questions it raised.


I want wait until it warms up officially.. the weather seems like it will be chilly the last few weeks of March, but hopefully April will have nice weather for us. Today was cold and I didn't like it.. I stayed in my room most of the day with the heater.


My sister paid the bill late... she seems to have severe memory problems... I wonder how she is going to make it in this world.. I'm sure the electricity company had to call her and tell her to pay for her to remember, she doesn't even have that many responsibilities so I don't understand why she can't remember something so basic.. anyway they added a late fee to the bill and I refuse to pay it, so she and I might get into a argument in the next few weeks but I will just tell her she needs to learn how to remember things or at least utilize things around her so she can remember. It's not like I have the greatest memory in the world but I at least take the time to write it down or set an alarm for an event on my phone..

Ok.. so this was a odd entry.. I've been worrying more about if I sound intelligent enough when I write and speak. I really want to move ahead in society so I think being more intelligent and sophisticated will help people take me more serious. Of course I feel upset with the way our parents raised us... it seems they didn't teach us much outside of manners...




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